


Let's Play Pretend

by anxioussquirrel, headbandxbowties



Series: Pretend [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Kurt and Rachel are siblings, M/M, Multi, Mystery, art included, videos included
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 16:23:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 36,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3575988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxioussquirrel/pseuds/anxioussquirrel, https://archiveofourown.org/users/headbandxbowties/pseuds/headbandxbowties
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rachel and Kurt Hummelberry, new transfer students at McKinley High – unapproachable, mysterious, not to mention virtually inseparable. What is their story? What are they hiding? What will it take to get close enough to learn their secrets? Blaine Anderson is dying to know. But if he succeeds, won’t he regret it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Poster #1

 


	2. Poster #2

 


	3. Chapter 1: Mystery

Gossip.

Every high school feeds on it, depends on the steady influx of juicy news to liven up the dull process of learning. William McKinley High School in Lima, Ohio is no different. Be it through the whispers in the corridors and over lunch, the rag of the school newspaper or Jacob Ben Israel’s blog, gossip flows through the veins of the student body and keeps it alive.

This week – the first week of Blaine Anderson’s junior year – the hottest topic is a couple of new students transferring in from LA. They are immediately fascinating because  _wow, LA, why would anyone move from LA to Lima? –_  but it’s not the only thing that makes them gossip-worthy.

They’re just… different.

Blaine has never cared much about the rumor mill, but by Friday even he can’t escape the whispers that spread through the school in waves. The girls from his Glee club won’t stop babbling about the new students, spinning more and more fantastic stories. Soon Blaine knows more than he’s ever wanted to know about the two strangers, even though he suspects that most of it has nothing to do with facts.

And okay, his curiosity might be minutely peaked.

Their names are Rachel and Kurt Hummelberry. They are siblings – both in the junior class, so probably twins, though they don’t look remotely alike. They moved into a neighborhood not far from Blaine’s at the beginning of August, and yet no one had really seen them around until the first day of school.

Someone heard they’ve been homeschooled so far and this is their first time in a normal high school – or even a school in general. Someone else swears they overheard something about a witness protection program, which leads to wild guesses about mafia connections, or the siblings witnessing a murder – or participating in one, because why not, right? That would explain the strange vibe they give off. Something unsettling, some kind of distance they keep, which immediately earns them curious stares and, in some cases, mean comments.

"They don’t even try to fit in," Mercedes points out as they all eat lunch at their usual Glee table. "I mean, their clothes? Come on, it’s high school, not a country club dinner. I get the dresses, but suits or dress shirts  _every single day_? Plus, have you ever seen them talking to anyone except each other?”

"Maybe they are Siamese twins," Brittany muses, not looking up from her plate. "I saw a program about it once."

"Brit, they’re not  _actually_  joined at the hip.” Artie scoffs.

"Well, no, but maybe they already got separated and can’t get used to it. That must be really hard for them."

Indeed, Brittany’s theory aside, Blaine has only ever seen the siblings together, be it in the halls or in classes. Even now they are sitting at a small table outside in the courtyard, alone. And it isn’t because they have to, he knows. Everyone is curious about them; even the popular crowd would probably take them in, if only to learn about their LA life. But they answer in monosyllables when approached and reject any attempts at befriending without a second glance, as Santana reports with a derisive snort. It’s unprecedented. Everyone wants to be popular, right?

Everyone but them, it seems.

 

A few days later, the rumors hit ridiculous levels.

The Hummelberrys are long-hidden illegitimate children of some LA celebrity. The press got wind of their existence so they were sent away.

They are having an incestuous love affair.

They are going to inherit some huge fortune if they make it to 21 without being assassinated – so of course they won’t interact with mere mortals. Plus, it’s not like they can trust anyone.

It’s so crazy that Blaine starts to suspect Jacob Ben Israel is running some kind of contest for the most insane speculations.

And really, once he takes a moment to actually watch the siblings for a bit – he has a free period and they are seated conveniently close to him in the library – they look pretty normal to him. Just a couple of transfer kids who haven’t adapted to their new school yet, nothing like the freaks the gossip is making them out to be.

Except… maybe there  _is_  something to it. Maybe they are some sort of magical creatures, in fact, because once Blaine starts looking… he just can’t seem to stop. It’s as if he’s suddenly unable to control himself.

They are both attractive, he has to admit. It takes him by surprise, because while Rachel’s prettiness is obvious, he’s never actually looked at a boy before and thought _Wow. He’s stunning_. But then, Kurt is unlike any other boy Blaine has ever met – graceful and perfectly put together, almost eerily beautiful. There’s something ethereal about him – about both of them; with just a tiny bit of characterization they could be elves, or maybe faeries. He can’t stop thinking how much  _more_ beautiful they would be if they smiled. They never do, or at least he’d never seen it.

_Okay, enough_ , he decides an hour later, leaving the library. He’s already given them enough time and attention. It’s time to get them out of his mind before he gets as obsessed with them as half the school seems to be.

 

By next Friday Blaine can no longer fool himself – it’s too late, he’s already under their spell.

Every time the siblings pass him in the crowded corridors, he can’t stop himself from watching them. And not just because Rachel has fantastic legs and those knee-highs she likes to wear are all kinds of sexy.

Something about the Hummelberrys pulls him in, demands his attention. So he keeps looking, whenever he can – wondering if he’s crossed the line of being creepy already, hoping he hasn’t. Promising himself he’d stop soon.

It’s not that easy.

 

A month into the school year, the general consensus about the new kids is that whatever their story, they are stuck up, acting like they are better than everyone else in Lima. People no longer try to talk to them, and there’s only an occasional stare when they do something strange, like walk the halls with their arms linked. It keeps the rumors alive, of course, their weird, constant closeness. But maybe that’s just the LA way.

Blaine and his Glee club friends have bigger problems than unsociable new students, anyway.

Once again, there are too few of them for the competitions. The flyers have been hanging all over the school for days, they even performed  _Empire State Of Mind_ in the courtyard and yet no one has as much as asked about joining. They plow on, like they always do, but they need to get at least two more people to join soon, or they are doomed. If they don’t compete this year – and get to Nationals, if not win – it will be the end of New Directions, once and for all. Principal Figgins made sure to warn them about that. Twice.

So when the Hummelberry siblings simply turn up in the choir room one day in late September, Mr. Schue almost forgets about an audition in his excitement. One look at the doubtful faces all around the room, however, and he asks timidly if they have maybe prepared something – anything – to show their skills. Of course, it’s nothing but a formality. The club just needs two more members, if only to sway rhythmically in the background and move their lips in sync. And considering how little interest in any clubs or basic human interaction Rachel and Kurt have shown so far, even Blaine secretly doubts they can offer much more than that.

Blaine watches them – not feeling like a stalker for once, which is nice – as they talk to the band and settle on high stools next to each other.  _Of course_  they are going to sing together.

They look as graceful and elegant as always – Kurt in a silver suit, Rachel in a simple sailor-style blouse and a black skirt – but what sticks out to Blaine is how composed they are, how relaxed as they sit in front of their little audience, their postures a mirror reflection of each other, and wait for the music to start. There’s no hint of nerves in their demeanor at all, which makes him think they are either complete novices who think highly of their abilities because no one has ever told them otherwise, or they really know what they’re doing.

And then they start to sing and  _oh_ , do they know what they’re doing.

It’s a  **[duet](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8EagZKEa8Y)**  of  _Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy_ , which may just as well have been written for them because they give Barbra Streisand and Judy Garland a run for their money. Their voices are amazing – both strong and pure, effortlessly sliding over the notes and merging perfectly together. And they look so  _radiant_ when they sing. It’s immediately obvious that they are no strangers to performing – and Blaine would know; he isn’t either. Voices like theirs – it’s more than just talent; it’s years of practice, too.

It’s absolutely clear to everyone that not only did they just find two new members for their Glee club. They may have actually found two new  _lead_  members for their Glee club, and Blaine knows he’ll be happy to share the spotlight. Even Mercedes, their strongest female voice so far, looks stunned when Rachel belts out her high notes, and when Kurt effortlessly joins her there, everyone stares in shock because that just shouldn’t be possible. Mr. Schue looks like he’s going to cry with happiness.

They get accepted with open arms, of course. And if Blaine is ecstatic about it, well… he wants nothing but the best for the club, okay?

 

Days go by and the Hummelberrys are right there, among them, and up close, they don’t seem quite that distant or strange anymore. They still always sit together and don’t talk much, but it feels as if they lowered their defenses somehow. They smile sometimes (and yes, they are both  _so_  much more beautiful when they do), and watch the usual banter and drama with curious eyes, and Blaine’s fascination that has only just begun to fade flares back to life with a vengeance.

A few weeks later it’s hard to imagine New Directions without Rachel and Kurt anymore. Their singing contributions are most noticeable, of course, but their dancing isn’t bad, either, and they even talk a little more, if only about the Glee club and school matters, staying extremely private beyond that. They prove that they’re both just as spectacular solo as they are together. They no longer seem so aloof, at least not in the choir room, and most of the discomfort that the rest of the club initially felt around them is gone. They are just two more Glee kids, unique and different in their own ways. Somehow their quirks make them fit the group rather than alienate them further. After all, New Directions consists of people who stand out, one way or another.  

They aren’t automatically liked by everyone, of course – there’s still something in them that keeps people from getting too close, and frankly, their attitude can be a little grating at times. Maybe it’s how calm and certain of their abilities they are, or how they sometimes exchange those looks, as if they knew better, knew more; as if the choice of the Sectionals songs was such an unimportant detail in the grand scale of life. Which it is, obviously, but  _come on_. Plus, Rachel in particular behaves like a diva sometimes, overenthusiastic and demanding, and it’s really hard to like her then.

Still, Blaine’s little crush persists and the funny thing is, he isn’t even sure whom he’s crushing on. It would be natural if he only felt attracted to Rachel, who is a beautiful girl, after all, smart and with a voice to die for – but it’s not that easy.

It’s like she alone does nothing for him – it’s  _him_ , too; Kurt. It’s  _them_ , together. This is new and strange, and another thing that is unsettling about the siblings, but Blaine chooses not to think about it too much. It isn’t like he’s going to do anything about it. They’ve never even talked apart from a few fleeting words during practice. He just… he likes to watch them. In the choir room and in class, and sometimes in the hallways. They are like pretty, exotic birds. And if they catch his eye and smile, sometimes – well, it doesn’t mean anything.

But they  _do_ catch his eye and smile, every so often, and even without words, it feels nice. It feels like some kind of honor because they don’t seem to do this for anyone else outside of the choir room. As time goes by, Blaine begins to wait for the opportunity to pass them by the lockers or sit nearby in the courtyard where they always eat their lunch, just to catch the glance of blue or brown of their irises.

It’s on one of those occasions, three weeks after they joined Glee club, that he witnesses a somber scene.

The siblings are standing by Kurt’s locker before morning classes as Blaine approaches, ready to pass them by, eager to see the twinkle of recognition in Rachel’s eyes, the dimple in Kurt’s cheek when he returns his smile, almost shyly. But they pay him no attention this time, lost in each other. Kurt holds a crying Rachel, hugs her tight, his eyes stormy and worried, and Blaine’s blooming grin fades quickly, substituted by concern. He wants to ask what’s wrong, offer help, but he has no idea if it’s anything he can help with, or if they would even want him to intrude on their private moment.

He doesn’t approach, in the end; doesn’t feel like he has a right to. They seem lost in their own little world, even more so than usual. But as Blaine turns to go, Kurt catches his eye, and though he doesn’t smile this time, there’s something in the sad intensity of his look that shoots right through Blaine’s heart, foreign and sharp.

 

—-

_Rachel is shaking in Kurt’s arms, heaving sobs racking her whole body, and he can only hold her and try to calm her, and promise her everything will be alright even when he knows it’s the biggest lie there is. But that’s what she needs now, so he plays his role while biting the inside of his cheek, hard, because he can’t think about himself now, about what it means for him. They’re in it together, but he’s the stronger one, he always has been._

_Rachel hasn’t said a word yet, she’s been crying since they left their kitchen after the conversation with their parents – after the_ ultimatum _– and for fuck’s sake, did they have to talk about this before school? They have a math test first period, and a whole day of classes to get through, and now Rachel is a broken mess and there’s not much Kurt can do about it._

_He tries, anyway, pressing her closer and whispering in her ear, ignoring the stares of students milling around._

_"Hey, shh. It’s gonna be fine. I know it hurts; it hurts me too, but we’ll survive. We always survive, Rach, you know that. We can still sing at home like we always have, we don’t need Glee for it; it’s not the same but we’re fabulous anyway. Come on, we’ll just tell Mr. Schue during lunch break, and then buy plenty of ice cream on our way home, and have a nice, indulgent evening. We’ll do everything you like, I promise, I can even –"_

_She just cries harder, yet somehow succeeds to get a few words out, wet and raspy._

_"Kurt, no, I just –"_

_Whatever she’s trying to say, a new wave of tears cuts her off and Kurt is left racking his brain feverishly in search of another reason._

_"Wait, are you worried they won’t manage without us? Hey, they’ll be fine. With Sam joining and the girl Puck brought last time, they’ll be okay, there are enough people to compete now. I know it won’t be the same without our voices but it’s not like we can do anything, can we? Rach?"_

_She’s looking at him now, shaking her head, her sobs slowly subsiding, and there’s so much sorrow in her eyes, so much desperation that it scares him. It’s too intense even for her, and Rachel is the very picture of intense on any given day, so that says a lot. She opens her mouth, hesitating, and Kurt has a sudden urge to cover his ears, afraid of what she’s going to say._

_He doesn’t, of course._

_"Kurt… I don’t want to quit Glee."_

_"I know, me neither, but–"_

_"Let’s not quit Glee. Please."_

_She’s pleading. Begging, even; her eyes huge and wet. Kurt’s heart seems to stop._

_"But Rach, it would mean…"_

_"Yes."_

_"It would lose us a_ year _. They won’t change their mind.”_

_"I know. But… I can’t give up on that, on this feeling of being alive. When was the last time you’ve felt so alive, Kurt?"_

_He feels like crying. Like screaming, or maybe running away and hiding somewhere. But it wouldn’t help, not even a bit, because he can’t hide from himself, or from the fact that he knows she’s right. He hasn’t felt as_ real _as he feels in that Glee club for years, not even when they… Just, not._

_But is he ready to give up a year of his life for this?_

_From across the hall, he catches a flash of wide amber eyes, focused on them. Concerned. It’s that boy again, that adorable Glee club boy. Blaine._

_There’s so little time, and so much Kurt wants to do._

—-

 

Blaine pushes the scene out of his mind as he goes on with his day, squashes out the concern that tries to turn into worry. It doesn’t help much though, and by the time Glee practice rolls around, he feels a bit desperate to know if the siblings are okay. He’s not sure what he expects to find when he nearly stumbles through the door to the choir room in his hurry, but it’s not this.

Rachel and Kurt are in their usual seats, talking quietly – no distress visible on their faces, no sign that anything out of the ordinary happened. Rachel even seems bubblier than usual, bouncing happily as she writes something in a pink-covered notebook. It’s as if Blaine imagined the morning scene, made it all up in his head – which he’s pretty sure he didn’t.

He’s still watching them when Kurt looks up, looks right at himand smiles, more open and warm than his usual reserved smile. The next instant Rachel glances between her brother and Blaine, something changing in her face, and then she’s smiling at him brightly, too. Suddenly Blaine feels like he’s caught, tangled in a net he doesn’t even want to try and fight – their beautiful faces, their smiles, their eyes, different yet similarly intense, holding him captive.

It only lasts a few heartbeats before Mr. Schue enters the choir room, shooting new ideas right off the bat, and the siblings turn away. Still, Blaine’s head is spinning, his heart full and pounding long afterward, and it’s silly when nothing actually happened – _nothing_ , not even a word exchanged between them.

It’s just… he can’t help but feel like something  _has_  just happened. Like something has been decided and it’s only a matter of time before… what, he doesn’t know. But he thinks he’s ready to find out.

\-----------------------

**Visuals:**

**[ _Passing By_ ](http://headbandxbowties.tumblr.com/post/43436758189/every-time-the-siblings-pass-him-in-the-crowded) **

**[ _The Audition_ ](http://headbandxbowties.tumblr.com/post/43436780078/the-club-just-needs-two-more-members-if-only-to) **

 


	4. Chapter 2: West Side Story

 

"Hi, would you mind if I joined you?"

It’s Friday afternoon and Blaine is sitting at the Lima Bean with Mike when the unexpected but unmistakable voice hits him right between the eyes. Or, well, ears. He turns slowly, almost afraid to look, and sure enough – gorgeous, with a careful smile, it’s Kurt.

It’s funny, how many thoughts and realizations can run through one’s head in the second or two it takes to smile and nod.

Suddenly Blaine is very aware that he’s never seen Kurt in the coffeeshop before, even though he’s here almost every day.

He manages to notice how many tables around them are empty, so it isn’t like Kurt has nowhere else to sit – which means he came over to them because he wanted to.

His brain also registers the fact that Rachel is nowhere to be seen, which is a first.

He even has time to freak out a little, because he hasn’t bothered to style his hair as carefully as he should have after PE, and the cardigan he is wearing today is his favorite, but it has seen better days, and he can feel the tips of his ears getting all hot, which means he is blushing, and  _Kurt is looking right at him and probably noticing all these things and more, and why is he so nervous all of a sudden?_

And then he thanks all the deities he can think of that Mike knows him so well after all these years, because with one look at Blaine’s face, he takes control of the situation, keenly aware of what flustered Blaine is capable of.

"Hi, Kurt! Sure, have a seat. Another coffee addict, I see?" Mike takes a sip of his tea with a teasing smile. Blaine glances at the paper cup in Kurt’s hand on instinct, takes in the black M on the side – mocha then, right? Not that he’ll ever need that knowledge; he just… likes to be informed.

Kurt smiles bashfully as he sits down. “Oh,  _addict_  is such a harsh word. I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem  _without_  caffeine.” – and they all laugh, the ice breaking. Blaine isn’t ready to speak yet, afraid to say something really awkward, but Mike is right there.

"So Kurt, what do you think of West Side Story?" The school musical was just announced yesterday, so the topic is fresh and  _perfect_. “We’re both planning to audition, how about you?”

Kurt gives a little shake of his head. “Probably not. Rachel will be trying for the female lead though.”

Something excited coils deep in Blaine’s chest – he hopes for the role of Tony, and the prospect of maybe acting alongside Rachel’s Maria is unexpected and very welcome, and makes him want it even more.

"There’s some stiff competition, I heard, but with Rachel’s voice… she’d be amazing." He can feel himself blush harder as he says that and there is something in the way Kurt quirks his eyebrow, something curious, almost analytical, even as he nods.

"Yes, she would. I guess we’ll see."

The conversation flows easily after that. They stay mostly around the topic of Glee and the upcoming Sectionals – Blaine and Mike fill Kurt in about the clubs they’ll be competing against, the Hipsters and the Warblers, and tell him about their experiences last year. Kurt’s face is animated and expressive as he talks and laughs at Mike’s jokes, but his eyes always come back to Blaine, keen and searching for something that Blaine would gladly give him if he only knew what it is.

All too soon, their cups are empty and Kurt is looking at the clock over the bar, getting up.

"Okay, I need to run – I promised Rachel I’d pick her up from the library. See you on Monday!"

Blaine wants to stop him, ask for his phone number – damn, ask Kurt to have coffee with him again, and bring Rachel, too – and thankfully Kurt is gone before he can open his mouth, because then reality hits him. What’s going on with him? Is he really thinking about asking Kurt out – and not just him, asking  _both_ of them? Seriously, even if the idea of dating two people at the same time, and siblings at that, wasn’t preposterous; even if he had any chance with them at all – even then, Blaine isn’t gay. Or even bisexual. Not that it would bother him, he just… never felt like he might be.

Although now, he’s not so sure.

He looks at the door where Kurt disappeared, intrigued by his own train of thoughts, until Mike nudges his shoulder with a half-amused, half-curious face. Blaine shrugs, smiles it away. He’ll think about it later. Another day, maybe.

Or not. Maybe he’ll just see what happens.

 

—-

_"Are you sure you don’t want to audition, Kurt? It’s not too late." Rachel twirls in front of the full-length mirror one last time._

_"I’m sure. You look stunning, by the way."_

_"Of course I do, when have I ever looked less than great in anything you made?" She leans closer to the mirror to make sure her make-up hasn’t smudged. "How’s Blaine doing?"_

_Kurt glances through the gap in the backstage curtain again._

_"Spectacular. He’s killing them with this song. He’ll be perfect."  A small, private smile; a whisper.  "Just… perfect."_

_—-_

 

When the cast is announced a few days later, it’s Rachel’s Maria opposite Blaine’s Tony after all, and as much as Blaine hoped for such a turn of events, it’s suddenly nerve-wracking. It’s one thing to fantasize about the perfect chemistry onstage (and, when he’s feeling brave, off-stage, too), breathtaking performances and standing ovations, and quite another to have hours of rehearsals to face together, with all the mundane, human things – stress and sweat and exhaustion, awkward dance moves and forgotten lines. It’s all part of the process of settling into a role; he knows, it’s not his first time. But when your partner is somebody you want to impress – someone you’ve barely exchanged a few sentences with so far – there are traps everywhere.

How close is too close? How to touch her hand when your own is sweaty and gross? And  _god_ , stage kisses…

Rachel as an acting partner turns out to be a lot to take. She’s nice and professional, but she’s also a perfectionist. Focused, calm, in control of her voice, her every move. It feels like she’s putting  _everything_  into this role, all of her passion, every ounce of her considerable energy. It’s scary. And humbling.

They hardly talk during the first rehearsal, apart from reading their lines, learning their marks and moves, and Blaine feels awkward and fumbling, standing opposite her for the first time as Tony. Which is silly – he’s a good actor and he knows it, he shouldn’t be so self-conscious, but there’s this crush he can’t seem to shake and it’s just… it’s a lot to handle.

When they sing together, the tension melts away, if only for a moment, because it’s perfect and thrilling in a way singing so often is for Blaine. Their voices blend together beautifully and when they finish  _Tonight_ , Coach Beiste has tears in her eyes and Artie is beaming at them, clearly happy about his choices.

And then there’s applause from the audience, loud and solitary, and Blaine looks up to see Kurt, sitting in the third row smiling, and immediately the fumbling returns, doubled.

That first rehearsal lasts almost four hours and when Blaine finally gets home and drags his feet up to his room, he’s so tired he crashes, ignoring the sweaty clothes and dinner and homework. Keeping up with Rachel’s pace is a real challenge.

The next two rehearsals are somewhat easier, though Rachel is still intimidating and Kurt still watches them from his seat in the audience. Blaine knows he’s getting better, which makes him feel more at ease; but he also knows he’s not his best yet. There’s this block that he can’t push through, and it’s frustrating. He feels self-conscious – under their eyes, aware of their attention and unable to tell what they’re thinking. He can’t turn it off; it occupies a part of his mind that should really be directed towards the play. Being distracted onstage is a cardinal sin, after all.

The way Rachel looks at him when she acts, though, warm and sweet, the way her hand rests on his gently – it makes him feel as if he is walking on clouds. And yet, he still feels too shy to touch her properly in the scenes where they should come off as intimate, even passionate. He needs to work on it.

And fast, as it turns out during the Friday rehearsal.

 

"Can I be honest? This song is about sexual awakening, as is the whole musical. And while Rachel is the very picture of passionate, Blaine, you just seem… bashful. Can I ask, have you ever actually –"

The end of Artie’s question hangs in the still air, unspoken, and in the silence that follows all Blaine can do is pray for the earth to swallow him. He knows, even without looking, that everyone’s eyes are focused on him, and he should say something,  _has to_ say something  _–_

What can he say when the truth is, he’s never even kissed anyone, not  _really_ (because a peck on the lips in third grade does  _not_  count)?

"I… um… I’m waiting for the right person."

He knows he’s flashing about fifty shades of red, stumbling over words, but all he can think of is that two people he kind of likes, a  _lot_ , are here, witnessing the most embarrassing moment of his life. He can’t really look at either of them, but from the corner of his eye he can see how calm Rachel seems, not moved by the topic in the slightest, and of course she wouldn’t be, they came from  _LA_. They must have had plenty of sex there, and here is Blaine, the silly, awkward virgin with his outdated romantic notions, who can’t even  _play_  experienced convincingly.

Artie clears his throat.

"Blaine, look. As your friend, I support your… strange aversion to fun. But as your director, I am concerned. How do you expect to convey the human experience to an audience when you haven’t even opened yourself up to one of humanity’s most basic and primal ones? I know you don’t have a girlfriend, but I’ve seen all those girls swooning over you every time you have a solo. I’m sure any one of them would jump at the opportunity to help you here. Maybe you should consider taking the time before opening night and just… enjoying yourself. Call it an acting exercise."

"I –"

What can he actually say to that? When put like this, it makes sense, and maybe it shouldn’t be that big a deal, but to him, it kind of is. He’s been raised this way, to believe that sex should mean more than just fun, and it’s hard for him to imagine being intimate with someone he feels absolutely nothing for. Except, how can he just say it out loud here?

Artie is clearly waiting for some kind of response from him and Rachel looks at him with – Blaine doesn’t even know, is it sympathy or pity? Should he just agree, throw his reservations to the wind and do it for the sake of art?

Help comes from the least expected place.

"I’m sorry, Artie, but that’s crap. You don’t need to have sex to play a sexy experienced guy, just as you don’t have to kill anyone to play a murderer." Kurt’s voice from the audience is loud and clear. It’s the first time Blaine has ever seen him in a confrontation and he sounds so certain and calm, so  _strong_. “I don’t think sleeping with a random person just to get it over with is something anyone should feel they need to do. And honestly, Blaine? You are a perfect Tony, you just need to be bolder when it comes to Rachel. She can be overwhelming, I know, but she really likes you, and you like her back. Just let it show.”

Blaine sputters over some half-words that fail to make any sense at all, shocked by the turn of events and the fact that his crush is apparently so obvious, but Kurt’s face is warm and earnest, and Rachel is nodding and smiling sweetly, and okay, maybe he can do that.

When they try the scene again, he lets go of his reservations, lets go of  _Blaine_ entirely and becomes Tony, no holding back. Maria’s brown eyes are huge and full of affection, her every move a seduction, every touch a promise, and Tony feels the love and passion, the desire streaming through him, and he gives his all.

Artie’s surprise when they take a break is almost comical, and the praise he offers sinks into Blaine’s skin like balm. Better still, Kurt applauds louder than ever and Rachel squeezes Blaine’s hand, beaming like a little sun. “You were amazing! I’m so glad you are my Tony.”

 

It’s not the end of surprises that night.

Rachel and Kurt are waiting outside the auditorium when Blaine leaves, and he blushes to the tips of his ears when they turn to him.

"Hey. You were  _really_  good out there tonight.” Kurt’s voice is warm, laced with a smile, and Blaine’s heart stutters a little.

"Thank you. And thank you for…"  _Don’t say_ defending me _, don’t say that._  “… saying what you said, back there. It meant a lot.”

Kurt shrugs and starts walking towards the exit, Rachel and Blaine following. “I’m not particularly fond of people telling other people to change just because they say so. It rubs me the wrong way. You didn’t look like you were too eager to jump to it, either.”

"No, not really."

They’re already outside, where the parking lot is dark and quiet, almost empty at this late hour, and suddenly Blaine is not ready to let this evening end.

"Coffee! Um, I mean… will you go for coffee with me?"

The instant the question leaves his mouth, though, he knows it’s all wrong. Rachel’s smile freezes a little, and of course, he was only looking at her because Kurt stands to the other side of him, and he meant both of them, and it almost sounded like he was asking her out on a  _date_ , and–

"Blaine, I –" she looks apologetic and he fumbles to correct, head whipping left to right to look at them both.

"I mean, all of us. Post-rehearsal coffee. As, you know… friends. Actors. And friends. Yes." God, he shouldn’t be allowed to speak to people he’s attracted to. His face is burning.

Kurt’s laughter sounds like music, light and sweet.

"We’d love to, but we can’t. Not tonight at least, it’s late and we need to be home soon. But maybe another day?"

Of course. He’d assumed again.

"I’d like that."

 

It takes almost a week before they finally manage to get to the coffee shop.

It’s been a good rehearsal, no missed marks or forgotten lines for once, the chemistry between Tony and Maria sparking just right, and even the stage kisses finally clicked and look the way they should. Blaine almost bounces off the stage, happy and bubbly, when a small, warm hand grabs his.

"How about that coffee tonight?" Rachel is glowing, the way she always does after a good performance, and Blaine nods with a grin.

"Sure. See you outside in ten?"

 

They drive together and Blaine is surprised to learn that the siblings don’t have a car – they walk to school, or sometimes take a bus. It’s not unheard of, but it’s still unusual with a good half-hour walk from their neighborhood, and Blaine files it away as another strange thing about them.

The Lima Bean is quite crowded for a Wednesday night, so they squeeze together at a tiny table, their knees bumping underneath. Everything seems brighter and more real somehow, both Rachel and Kurt look eerily beautiful, and Blaine may be a tiny bit infatuated. Not that it’s anything new, it’s only the intensity of everything tonight that makes him feel like it is.

He’s surprised how okay he is, as if he left his awkwardness at home. But then again, they’ve talked a lot over the last few days, in Glee and in rehearsals, and even twice in the courtyard – short, insubstantial chats about school stuff and Glee stuff and the musical stuff, and now it feels like all the ice is broken and gone, and they’re here to have coffee as not-quite-but-almost friends.

There’s the obligatory recap and detailed analyzing of the rehearsal – because that’s what Rachel does every evening, as Kurt explains, amused – and excited talk about Sectionals, but then the easy, safe topics are all used up and suddenly there’s silence that threatens to turns awkward. Or so Blaine fears.

He’s underestimated Rachel, though.

"Wow, I like this place. I can’t believe I’ve never been here before, their hot chocolate is amazing."

"Really, not ever?" It’s hard to believe; the coffee shop is the favorite meeting place for most of McKinley students. "Where have you been going all this time? For coffee and stuff?"

It’s Kurt who answers. “Nowhere. We don’t really get out much, apart from school. Our parents are… kind of strict.”

Rachel’s smile dims for an instant, but then it’s back to its hundred watt intensity that looks only slightly forced. Blaine frowns.

"Wow, that… must be tough."

Kurt snorts delicately. “Yeah, well. How about your parents?”

"Oh, they’re okay. They are both doctors at the Lima hospital, which means crazy schedules a lot of the time, so I had to learn to be quite independent earlier than most. But as long as my grades are good, I’m basically free to do what I choose. I’m lucky in that regard, I guess."

"Do you have any siblings?" It’s Rachel again, openly curious, and soon Blaine is telling them all about his brother Cooper, who is an actor, and then about his ambitions of studying musical theater, about all the instruments he plays and his dream of winning Nationals with New Directions before he graduates, and a dozen other things.

It’s only an hour later, when they’ve parted and Blaine’s on his way home, that he realizes he hasn’t really learned anything new about Rachel and Kurt at all. He still knows nothing about their personal lives apart from those little bits about their parents and long walks to school. They carefully guided the conversation so that he was the one talking most of the time, and then they had to go, leaving him with warm, buzzing memories of their animated faces and their musical laughter, their comments, sweet or witty, and the accidental brush of their hands over the small table. And while it’s plenty more than he’s had so far, he really hoped to get to know them better at last.

There are only three busy days left until West Side Story’s opening night, but Blaine promises himself that when their schedules clear up a bit, he’s taking the siblings for celebratory coffee. And he’ll make sure they talk then. Because he may not know much about them, but he does know that he likes them. A lot. And not just in the potentially romantic kind of way – no, he’s half-surprised to realize that now that he was allowed to get that much closer, he would genuinely like to be friends with them.

Up close, he can see so much more about them, and he  _likes_ what he gets to see. How Rachel’s overconfidence is a mask to protect the vulnerable, sensitive girl beneath. How Kurt’s dry wit and calm exterior hide his fierce, protective nature. How both of them seem to just  _get_ him immediately, on a level most people don’t. It feels like they have a weird, wonderful sort of connection – almost like they share a brainwave frequency.

And beyond all that, he can see the one big thing they most likely never wanted him to see: how lonely they are, the two of them alone against the world. By choice or not, it can’t be easy.   

 

—-

_"So what do you think?"_

_"I think he’s sweet. Sweet and shy and earnest, not to mention wildly talented and truly dedicated to music and acting. And really handsome."_

_"Rach, you know what I mean."_

_"I know. Yes, I can see why you’re enchanted."_

_"I’m not_ enchanted _.”_

_"Attracted. Interested. Whatever you want to call it. I’m still not sure if he’s what you need though."_

_"Well we won’t know until we_ know _, right? But do you think we can –?”_

_"Yes. Okay, yes. We can try."_

_"Thank you, Rachel."_

_"You’re very welcome."_

—-

** VISUAL PRETTIES by headbandxbowties  
**

[**West Side Story auditions, backstage**](http://headbandxbowties.tumblr.com/post/43517119003/are-you-sure-you-dont-want-to-audition-kurt)(photoset)

 


	5. Chapter 3: Changes

The dress rehearsal on Saturday morning goes smoothly. Excitement is thick in the air and everything is in its place, and Blaine’s pre-opening night jitters melt away soon enough. He’s ready, everything is well-practiced, and even with his virginity still intact he’s going to be a great Tony.

And then Rachel comes and ruins his equilibrium in three seconds flat.

"We need to have a real kiss tonight."

Blaine chokes on his water. “Excuse me?”

"I’ve been thinking about it all night and it’s really the only way. Stage kisses are  _so_ unprofessional, Blaine, and I need everything to be just  _perfect_! We should kiss for real, instead.”

"But –"

She tilts her head and frowns. “Unless it’s a problem. I’ll understand if you don’t want to kiss me, of course.”

"No, I do!"  _Wow, that sounded way too eager_. “I mean, I’m okay with that. If you are.”

"Of course I am." She smiles. "And with such an attractive co-star? It will be my pleasure. Excellent, we need to let Artie know and run through the scene at least one last time."

A few minutes later Blaine is happy to learn that even with the onslaught of butterflies in his stomach, he’s got no problem playing his part expertly. And then  _that_  moment comes and –

It’s over much too soon, just a few seconds of Rachel’s soft lips pressing against his, and he stumbles a little over his next line because this… was not what he’s been anticipating all that time.

Of course, when he imagined his first kiss, it wasn’t onstage, as part of a play, but still. He feels a fleeting wave of disappointment. Rachel is happy with the scene though, winking when she reminds him to focus on the next lines, so it’s all good. And now is not the time to focus on kissing or his pitiful inexperience, anyway.

 

The opening night is great. Not perfect – of course not, some things only come out during the actual performance, and there are a few details that need to be worked on tomorrow, like this one dance move that Blaine just can’t get exactly right. But it was a great show, and he’s high on adrenaline and hyped, and yet so,  _so_  tired.

There’s an after-party at Breadstix and everyone has already gone there as soon as they changed out of their costumes, whooping and laughing, congratulating one another. And Blaine is going too, he’s almost out of here – he just needs a moment, a little while to himself first. Now that the auditorium is empty, it’s the perfect place. He can practice his failed move and decompress, and think. He thinks best in motion, anyway.

This whole day was overwhelming. The dress rehearsal and opening night alone would be a lot, but with the addition of the kissing it got alarmingly close to the point of too much.

Especially since he’s so confused. He touches his lips and wonders –  _was it a real kiss?_   _Two_  kisses, in fact, during the dress rehearsal in the morning and then the performance proper? Or was it just acting?

Well, of course it was acting, but… does it  _count_? They felt like real kisses… and yet they didn’t. Like they were, somehow, not true. Like stage kisses while they weren’t. Though they were, in fact, onstage.

Ugh, really. Why does he obsess about it, anyway? Why isn’t he just happy that he got his first kiss from the girl he likes? Terribly overdue by modern standards, but here it is, he isn’t a kiss virgin anymore.

So why does he still feel like one?

Blaine huffs out an annoyed breath and tries the move again, frustrated when he fails. He’s too tired; he’ll have to ask Mike to walk him through it again tomorrow. Just one last attempt and then he’ll go. Maybe Rachel has decided to go to the party after all – she was considering it, he knows. Maybe he’ll find her there. Maybe, if he’s really, really lucky, she’ll even kiss him again, for real, and then he’ll stop obsessing.

_Yeah, like that would ever happen_.

 

He doesn’t hear the footsteps, even in the complete silence of the empty auditorium. It’s only the quiet, familiar “Hey” that gets through the fog of his thoughts, and Blaine turns, surprised. He’s been sure everyone was long gone. And yet, just a few feet away, alone and contrasting starkly against the backdrop of the black curtain, there he is – Kurt.

He looks more casual than Blaine has ever seen him, in skinny jeans that fit him perfectly, a clingy white henley and a vest. He’s gorgeous, and Blaine’s breath stutters a little because of just  _how much_  he feels. It’s probably the result of being so exhausted and overwhelmed, but it has never hit him quite so hard just how attractive Kurt is. How  _attracted_  Blaine is to him, physically. But he has no more energy to analyze that on top of everything else right now.

Kurt’s smile is gentle, a little shy even though they seemed to be long past this point by now.

"Shouldn’t you be celebrating, Blaine?" Something in the way Kurt pronounces his name makes it sound soft around the edges, almost tender, and Blaine wants to hear him say it again. And again.

"I’m going over this move. I messed it up tonight. I know I can do it better."

"Personally, I think both of you guys were perfect." Kurt’s hands are in his pockets, his head tilted, and he makes Blaine’s heart speed up even when not looking at him.

"Thank you. Rachel is a natural born star."

Kurt takes two, three slow steps forward until Blaine is looking right into his eyes – so close, so sincere, the blue of his irises tinted green in the dimmed light.

"I know. But so are you. You’ve got so much talent, such passion. I’ve seen it earlier, but tonight… it took my breath away." It’s so quiet, almost a whisper in the heated air between them. With a bit of hesitation, Kurt raises his hand to lay it on Blaine’s shoulder, light as a hummingbird ready to fly away at the first sign of distress. "I had to come back and tell you. You need to know how good you are."

"Thank you."

Blaine can’t help his eyes flicking to Kurt’s lips, pink and so close. With all this thinking about kissing tonight, it’s suddenly hard to look away. Even if it’s too obvious. Even if there’s no way for Kurt not to notice him staring.

Except Kurt is smiling, just  _smiling_  warmly, and when Blaine looks back into his eyes, their calm, open depth feels like an invitation, a permission.

It’s not a conscious decision. He just feels himself lean closer, closing the space between them.

Kurt’s lips are warm and dry, compared with the sticky slide of Rachel’s lipstick, but so very soft he can’t help but press closer. Kurt gives him a second, as if waiting for him to pull away, but then his arms are around Blaine’s shoulders, securing him in an embrace that feels sure, yet not forceful – and Kurt kisses back. And it feels–

God,  _this_  is what he was expecting to feel today when Rachel first kissed him. This intimacy, this spark, even though it’s just a chaste press of lips, sensitive skin brushing against skin. He feels it all the way down to his fingers, so much that he has to curl them into the back of Kurt’s vest.

Kurt doesn’t try to pull away, he just stays there, kissing him surely yet softly, and it feels only natural for Blaine to part his lips, to brush the very tip of his tongue against the bow of Kurt’s upper lip. The thrill when Kurt inhales shakily, granting him access, is immediately intoxicating, and Blaine just wants more.

And more he gets – so much more as they stand on that stage, two boys kissing as if their lives depended on it. They are exploring, sucking on each other’s lips ever so gently, tongues sliding against each other, the quiet gasps giving way to sounds that are almost –  _almost_  – moans. Kurt’s fingers tangle in the hair at the nape of Blaine’s neck, where it isn’t held by gel, and the drag of his fingernails almost makes Blaine’s knees buckle.

He never wants to stop kissing Kurt.

But just then  _Kurt_  stops, pulls away, his lips kiss-swollen and eyes dark.

"Will you come home with me?"

Blaine can only nod, eyes wide, still dazed from the kissing. “Okay.”

 

They are kissing again the moment the door to Kurt’s attic bedroom closes behind them, and Blaine has enough clarity of mind to think that he’s most likely the only one in the whole school who’s ever been here, before the heat of Kurt’s tongue pressing against the seam of his lips distracts him.

Kurt is bolder here, more open, his usual distance fading away, and if these are first kisses for him too… No, they can’t be, he acts way too confident and casual for it to be true. Blaine doesn’t believe all the gossip about the Hummelberry siblings that courses through McKinley’s hallways, but regardless of who he’s been with, Kurt is no innocent angel.

Sure hands slide down Blaine’s sides, then up his back as the kisses get more heated, deeper. Kurt’s body against Blaine’s is lean and firm, close enough to feel every long line and toned muscle, and Blaine is stunned just how  _not_  freaked out he is. He’s kissing a boy, after a lifetime of being convinced he liked girls. He’s kissing Kurt, feeling his broad arms around him and what is almost certainly an erection against his hip, and Blaine is totally, completely okay with it. Just as he’s okay with being led towards the large bed in the middle of the room.

He has a chance to have a look around, then. Kurt’s room is sparsely furnished, decorated in blues and creams. There are bookcases taking the length of two walls, full to bursting point. The third is a wall of mirrors with sliding door in the middle, probably a closet. A beautiful vanity stands by the end of the bed and a long, black partition painted in oriental patterns divides the bedroom from another part of the room.

Two thick white candles on the bedside tables are the only source of light, and Blaine realizes with a start that they’d already been lit when they entered. But he has no time to contemplate the mystery because then he’s sitting on the edge of the bed and Kurt is in his lap, leaning into another kiss.

The candles give a warm cinnamon smell, the half-darkness strengthens the intimate mood and somewhere, quietly, music starts, soft and sweet. Kurt’s lips slide down Blaine’s neck, his tongue wet and insistent against sensitive skin. It feels so good, so much more intense than Blaine has ever imagined, sparks of pleasure coursing through him and stealing all of his attention. So he doesn’t react immediately when he feels the bed dip and someone settle against his back. It’s only the soft touch of lips on the nape of his neck when Kurt’s tongue is definitely still dancing over his collarbone that shakes Blaine out of the reverie.

His head shoots around, Kurt’s soothing  _Shh, it’s okay_  in his ear, and right there, pressed behind him, is Rachel.

Rachel, with her huge brown eyes and her shiny hair loose around her face. Rachel, her full lips soft and red even without the lipstick, capturing his the moment they’re in reach, and Blaine gasps.  _This_  is definitely a real kiss, and it’s nothing like the ones on stage.

Kurt doesn’t stop kissing Blaine’s neck, humming against his skin, and soon his hands slide under the hem of Blaine’s shirt and up his stomach, to his chest. As if on cue, Rachel’s smaller, cool palms touch the bare skin of his back in perfect counterpart. She releases Blaine’s mouth, sealing her lips on the crook of his shoulder instead, and immediately Kurt takes over, plunging deep and hungry, feeding the hot ache in Blaine’s belly that’s been stirring awake from the minute they first kissed.

They never pause, the siblings working in perfect tandem, and Blaine has no idea when he lost his shirt, but then Kurt is pushing him gently to lie down and he realizes that Rachel’s heat against his back is gone. She’s kneeling by his side, so pretty in a short skirt and a tight red top, and leans down to kiss his lips once again when Kurt lays down by his other side and starts exploring Blaine’s chest with curious fingers.

Between Rachel’s lips, just as talented as her brother’s, and Kurt’s tongue flicking around his nipple, Blaine has trouble keeping quiet. After the first helpless moan escapes him, he startles, ready to apologize, but Rachel shakes her head, amused.

"It’s okay. We’re alone here; let us hear you."

Kurt never stops his exploration, kissing lower and lower, and Blaine shivers. His belly trembles under reverent touches, and Rachel whispers in Blaine’s ear, a wave of her perfume surrounding him in a dizzy cloud.

"He’s never touched a boy before, you know? You’re so special, so exquisite…" She punctuates her words with butterfly kisses to his jaw and neck, and he moans, more from her words than her caresses. That, and Kurt has just started sucking on his hipbone, his face beautifully flushed in the warm candlelight.

"Can I see you, too?" Blaine whispers, to which of them, he doesn’t know. He hardly knows anything right now, except the fact that he never, ever wants this to end.

Rachel takes her top off without hesitation, uncovering a black lace bra she looks breathtaking in, and Blaine can’t believe he finally gets to see a girl undress, and such a beautiful one. Her belly is flat and firm, and her breasts fill the cups of her bra in a way that makes Blaine’s mouth water.

But the second Kurt moves to unbutton his vest and slide his shirt off, he steals all of Blaine’s attention.

His chest is toned, baby smooth and fair-skinned, and Blaine’s arms reach towards him immediately as he sits back up. They fall into each other, skin against skin, and they both gasp at the contact.

Blaine has no idea how long they kiss. He’s riding the wave of pleasure, every nerve ending alight with it wherever his skin touches Kurt’s. Rachel’s still there, but less involved now, Blaine can only feel her soft against his back, her hands smoothing along his arms every now and then, or tangling in his hair. Once, she tugs his head back, exposing his neck for Kurt to suck on, and a thrill goes through Blaine’s veins at the thought that maybe he’ll be lucky and a mark will form there, the most exquisite reminder of this evening written into his skin.

And then there’s a moment when Kurt’s lips move away, leaving Blaine yearning for more, and he opens his eyes, still dazed, only to see Rachel and Kurt, their eyes closed and lips pressed together over his shoulder.

He stops breathing, doesn’t dare move or blink, not to waste a second of the picture of these two beautiful, strange creatures kissing. It feels thrilling and forbidden, a taboo, but he doesn’t flinch Something so gorgeous can’t be wrong, can it?

They stop after a few seconds and turn to look at him, so close, both smiling serenely. Blaine feels like he’d been let in on a huge, precious secret, and he knows he’ll never, ever betray it.

Things slow down after that, from hungry and passionate to tender, gentle. Rachel gets up a bit later, leaving Blaine and Kurt still tangled together in the middle of the bed. Kurt is like a cat now, sprawled and leaning into every touch, almost purring.

Rachel moves the black partition, revealing the other half of the attic room, and Blaine’s eyes widen – it’s pink and feminine, but it’s an almost perfect twin of Kurt’s bedroom. Kurt turns his head and smiles when he realizes what got Blaine’s attention.

"Yes, we share a room. Most of the time." He waves his hand towards the partition, fully open now. He pauses and adds, almost like an afterthought. "We’re not blood related, you know."

Blaine isn’t sure if it changes anything and rationally he knows he should probably be disturbed by what he witnessed – participated in, in fact – tonight. But rational or not, he just doesn’t feel it, and when Kurt’s eyes hold his, gauging his reaction, Blaine just smiles and leans back in for some more kisses before he needs to go.

 

He leaves Rachel and Kurt’s house before midnight and goes right home and to bed, telling his parents he’s too exhausted to talk about the show tonight. And he is, though it’s not the only reason why he wants to close the bedroom door behind him as fast as possible.

Strung tight and thrumming with lingering arousal, Blaine can swear he still feels his skin tingle everywhere Kurt and Rachel touched him. It’s as if their hands were still on him, and it’s enough to brush his fingers across his exposed chest, catching on a tight bud of a nipple, and his hips are arching up against the sheets, straining for contact. His lips feel raw from kissing – in fact, he feels raw and oversensitive all over, and it takes less than he’s believed possible before he’s spilling hot and desperate across his hand and belly, memories of the evening in place of his usual fantasies.

He expects to drift off immediately, sated and tired from the whole day, so he’s surprised to find himself wide awake long after that. Even with his body heavy with exhaustion, his brain won’t stop spinning.

After what happened, would everything change now? Is it a beginning of something more? And if so, how would it work? It’s not like they can just enter the school holding hands, even if he ignored the logistics of it. Not only is it a triangle, Rachel and Kurt are  _siblings_ , blood-related or not.

Or… was it just a one-time thing? Suddenly he feels silly. Of course. It was probably just that for them, a fun night after the excitement of the show. He shouldn’t really expect anything else.

Except… he doesn’t want that to be just one time.

And didn’t Rachel say that it was the first time Kurt touched another boy? That it made Blaine special?

How should he act tomorrow? How would  _they_  act?

It takes a long time to fall asleep.

—-

_"Kurt? Do you want me to sleep here tonight?"_

_He blinks, startled out of his dreamlike state, to see Rachel standing by his bed in her bunny PJs. “Mm. Would you mind if I didn’t? I kind of… want to be alone.”_

_"No, of course. I thought you would. Just… making sure. So you’re okay?"_

_He smiles at her, this big, uncontained smile of pure joy. “I’m very okay, Rachel._ So _very okay.”_

_"Okay, then. Goodnight, love."_

_"Night."_

_—-_

** VISUAL PRETTIES by headbandxbowties[  
](http://headbandxbowties.tumblr.com/) **

[ **The first kiss** ](http://headbandxbowties.tumblr.com/post/43596418515/they-felt-like-real-kisses-and-yet-they-didnt)

[ **"You took my breath away"** ](http://headbandxbowties.tumblr.com/post/43596434181/kurt-takes-two-three-slow-steps-forward-until)

[ **"Let us hear you"** ](http://headbandxbowties.tumblr.com/post/44750159468)

 

 


	6. Chapter 4: Friends

"Blaine! Where were you last night? We were all waiting for our lead actors to join us and neither of you guys came." Artie is cheerful this afternoon, riding on the steady waves of praise and eager for another successful night.

"Sorry. I was too tired, I went right to bed."

"Me too." Rachel chimes in. She’s just breezed in, looking fresh and lovely, and a breath catches in Blaine’s throat as another, much less innocent picture of her seems to overlay. "I needed my beauty sleep to be my best tonight. "

She’s all business again. And yet, when she looks at Blaine, there’s a new kind of warmth there, affection similar to how she is as Maria, even though she isn’t in character yet.

"Okay, come, my Tony. Let’s get over this one part we didn’t get quite right last night." She takes his hand as if she did it every single day, and pulls him to the stage.

Blaine wants to ask her about last night, but it’s not that easy – she’s in rehearsal mode right away, fully focused on their act. Then other people start filing in and soon enough there’s no room for private conversation, even if Rachel did take a moment to listen.

But at least their kiss is flawless this time, even if it leaves Blaine entirely distracted with sense memory, and Artie can’t get over how much more chemistry there is between them now. There’s  _so_  much, in fact, that Blaine needs to call for a short break to get back his focus, which stubbornly keeps wandering off towards memories of last night.

The hallways are deserted still, too early for the audience to start gathering, and he walks to the bathroom slowly, taking deep breaths, intent on splashing his face with cold water and getting his thoughts under control again. This is not the time to think about anything but his role, but it’s nearly impossible to focus with Rachel there, a constant reminder, and Blaine’s head full of questions.

Except when he reaches his destination, there’s already someone there, standing in front of the mirror and fixing his hair.

He looks amazing today, quietly beautiful, but he stiffens visibly when Blaine enters. It can’t be a good sign.

"Hey."

"Hi, Blaine." Kurt pronounces his name in this soft way again,  _his_  way, and it goes straight to Blaine’s chest.

"Listen, about last night…" Blaine can clearly see the tension growing in Kurt’s shoulders, his eyes flicking away for a heartbeat. He powers through, desperate to know. "Kurt, what are we?"

Confusion on Kurt’s face, as if he didn’t expect this particular question. “What do you mean?”

"Is it… was it a one-time thing? You and me and Rachel… does it change anything? Between us?"

“ _Oh_.” That’s all it takes; most of the tension leaves Kurt’s body with one soft exhalation. “Do you want it to? To… change things?”

Blaine nods slowly, feeling a blush spread over his face. “I… yes. I’d like that.”

Kurt smiles, bright and sudden, and only now it hits Blaine that the reason for his tense demeanor might not have been the anticipation of Blaine getting clingy or wanting more when there was nothing to be offered. His eyes widen when he realizes the obvious.

Kurt thought Blaine would freak out, didn’t he? That he’d ask him never to mention it to anyone, maybe. Because they kissed, they made out. Shirtless. On a bed. And Blaine has never given anyone reason to believe that he liked boys.

Well, he hasn’t known it himself, has he?

And he’s still fine with it, to the point of wondering if the freak-out will ever come at all. Somehow, he doubts it.

Kurt turns to face him now, and even through the smile, he sighs. “I –  _we_ – would like that, too. But it’s not quite so easy, you know?”

Well  _duh_.

He must have it written all over his face because Kurt smirks and shakes his head.

"No, I mean it. Remember when I said our parents are strict? We’re not allowed to date. Or have people over, or even visit friends. If anyone knew about this,  _us_ , it would get to them sooner or later. The gossip net among the parents here is almost as bad as the students, you know? Worse, sometimes. And if our parents found out that we’re seeing you,  _either_  of us – we’d be screwed.”

It’s hard to believe it can be that bad. Blaine knows not many parents are as tolerant as his but  _screwed_  sounds a little dramatic. Doesn’t it?

Kurt must see the disbelief in Blaine’s eyes because he smiles sadly.

"I’m not blowing it up. We… messed up in our old school; it’s a long story. So now we’re on a short leash, so to speak. If we break the rules, we’ll have our extracurricular rights revoked, for starters, and we already had to make some sacrifices to get those, so–"

"Wait, even Glee?" Blaine’s jaw drops.

“ _Especially_  Glee, since it’s what we care about most and they know it. The musical, Rachel’s ballet. Anything that takes our attention away from what’s essential: school and family.” Kurt shrugs. “I’m telling you this so that you know up front, any kind of… relationship with us would have to be completely secret, Blaine. And probably nothing like you imagine. It wouldn’t really be like last night all that often.”

"How come last night was possible then?"

"Our parents were in LA. They have to go back there sometimes, for a couple of days. But it only happens once every few months, and even then they have the neighbors check in on us."

"Good thing you don’t have a babysitter." It’s a lame attempt at a joke, but at least it makes Kurt smile again, and Blaine reaches to briefly touch Kurt’s hand resting on the counter. "I don’t care, Kurt. I just… I’d like to get closer to you. Both of you. I’d like to get to know you better. To be your friend?" He finishes on a question because he’s not sure if it’s something Kurt would even consider.

"Just a friend?" There’s a teasing note in Kurt’s voice, and Blaine blushes and ducks his head.

"No. Definitely not just a friend. I… I like you. A lot."

A school bathroom, with its drab look and the smell of bleach permeating the air, is hardly an ideal place for such confessions, but that’s what they have. And now here it is, out in the open. Kurt’s eyes shine brightly and his smile is unexpectedly shy when he says, softly,

"I like you too."

And then he is leaning just a bit closer and Blaine mirrors the move, meeting him in a short, sweet kiss. They part too soon because this is a public place, after all, and he knows now that the consequences of being seen are graver than Blaine having to explain his newly-found sexuality twist to the world. There’s too much at stake and he wouldn’t risk Kurt’s – or Rachel’s – wellbeing like that, no matter how much his body craves this newly discovered bliss of closeness and touch.

But even as Kurt leaves the bathroom with a soft “See you later,” Blaine’s heart is singing anyway.

 

That night Blaine’s parents are in the audience and they steal him away to a congratulatory dinner before he can even talk with anyone afterwards. Still, he knows Kurt must have told Rachel about their talk because all through the play she’s been more affectionate than ever. Plus, when they got off the stage after the final bows, she hugged him tightly before bouncing off to change.

And then Monday comes and some things shift – small, unexpected things that fill Blaine’s life with sudden light.

He runs into school five minutes before the final bell in the morning, still fixing his hair and mentally shuffling through the contents of his locker to determine what he needs to grab before heading to class. He’s hit the snooze button too many times again before finally rolling out of bed – a habit he really should try harder to eradicate because as much as he hates getting up early, he hates being in a hurry a lot more.

He’s so preoccupied that he only notices someone leaning against his locker when he’s two feet away, and instantly his day gets a lot brighter.

"Morning." Rachel all but purrs, sultry and seductive, before dissolving into giggles. Kurt just smiles and extends a small brown paper bag towards Blaine.

"Hi! What’s this?"

"Breakfast." Kurt states matter-of-factly, and Blaine’s stomach grumbles loudly. Of course he didn’t have time to eat anything in the morning rush, but how would they know?

He opens the bag and the smell of cinnamon and sugar hits him in a warm wave. There are two cinnamon rolls there, and he can’t resist taking one and biting into it immediately, a loud moan ripping out of his throat. It’s absolutely delicious, freshly baked, and how is that even possible? There is no bakery anywhere near McKinley.

"Kurt made them." Rachel submits. Clearly, Blaine’s confusion wasn’t exactly hidden. "He needs ridiculously little sleep and he gets bored in the mornings."

Blaine looks at Kurt with wide eyes. They’ll never stop surprising him, will they?

"God, they’re amazing! Thank you, I didn’t have time to grab breakfast this morning so you may have just saved my life." He says, opening his locker one-handed and taking the books he needs for his first class.

Kurt smirks. “Oh, I know. It’s Monday. You always rush in at the last moment on Mondays.”

Blaine’s jaw drops a little. It’s true. Mondays are always hardest for him when it comes to getting up, after sleeping in during the weekends. But he’s never thought anyone noticed that; and definitely not  _them_.

He doesn’t have time to ask anything (and potentially embarrass himself) because just then the bell rings and they all move towards their first classroom of the day. But even when they’re seated and in the middle of the history lecture, Blaine can see Kurt’s smile in his peripheral vision, and can’t help smiling back.

At lunch, Blaine joins the siblings at their table in the courtyard. They sit together in Glee, too, and Blaine is a little surprised that no one is looking at him weird by now. But then he remembers that even though the others have no way of knowing what happened between the three of them, becoming friends with your co-star from the play must look pretty natural. And since said co-star is never without her brother… well, it all seems very organic.

They still have three shows this week, but Sectionals are in two weeks, too, so the usual rush of preparations begins. On Monday it’s still very chaotic, but Blaine knows the drill well by now. They’ll spend a week arguing over songs and solos. Then there’ll be another week of frantic practicing, probably embellished by song changes and some inside drama. And then they’ll get their shit together minutes before the competition and they’ll be amazing. Because that’s what they do.

In the meantime, Blaine lets himself immerse in the completely new, incomparable feeling of having… hm. Not a girlfriend; not a boyfriend. But at the same time, friends who are both. He’s allowed to think about them like this; to fantasize. He can interpret every suggestive word, every glance at his lips and covert touch of his hand, the way he wants to see them – because he knows that’s how they’re meant. It’s almost scary, at the beginning; and then it isn’t scary at all because Rachel catches him looking longingly at Kurt’s lips and smiles, and calms his nervous blabbering with a firm “It’s alright. You’re not the only one who wants this.”

They don’t have a lot of time together: only at school, mostly just lunch breaks and Glee. But then one morning Blaine arrives at his locker early, because he knows the siblings will be there already, with three cups of coffee he grabbed at the Lima Bean on the way – mocha for Kurt, cappuccino for Rachel, latte for himself. They settle in the still empty classroom and talk, and soon it becomes their thing, the mornings with coffee or Kurt’s pastries, half an hour before most people arrive, to warm up and wake up properly for the day.

Blaine no longer has a problem with getting up in the morning.

Mornings are also when the siblings are most open, most likely to talk about themselves, and slowly, Blaine gets to learn things about them as they let him in, little by little.

He learns that Kurt lost his dad early and Rachel never really knew her mom; that their parents got together when they were both nine. He learns that Rachel is three and a half months older than Kurt, and that they hated each other for the first months living together, until it all came to a head and they discovered just how similar they were, with their defiance and their strong opinions, and their love of music. They’ve loved each other ever since.

Blaine tries to ask when it first became something more, but they swiftly change the topic. He doesn’t ask again. Inquiring about the nature of their problems in LA ends the same way. He only learns that their parents got relocated, and decided it was a good opportunity to tame the kids with a new school and a new place.

He’s shocked to learn they don’t have cell phones, or internet access at home. He must admit it has its perks, though, because while he hates not being able to contact them outside of school, it saves him from the embarrassment of the late night texts that he might have been tempted to send otherwise, sounding like a lovesick puppy. The things that come to him when he’s in his bed late at night, right before falling asleep – the thoughts about Rachel or Kurt, or both of them – tend to be terribly cheesy. He knows, he writes them down sometimes, makes notes in his phone in the darkness. They always make him blush in the morning.

 

Those first two weeks, between the opening night and Sectionals, are enough for Blaine to realize just how different the siblings are, though they seem so similar in so many ways.

With Rachel, they always seem to end up talking about music or theater, as they’re really knowledgeable and honestly passionate about both. Rachel is unlikely to surprise him with a personal question or a deep conversation; she doesn’t dig in the past or inquire about future.

With Kurt, on the other hand, Blaine can never be sure what to expect. They can be talking about school and then suddenly jump to social justice, or dreams, or fashion that Kurt seems to know plenty about, or politics. Kurt asks, and asks plenty, like he wants to know all the little things about Blaine: if he likes reading and what is the furthest he’s ever travelled; how old he was when he had his first girlfriend (he looks stunned when Blaine confesses he never did) and where he imagines himself in ten years.

But when the questions are directed back at him, Kurt expertly changes the topic.

Those two weeks are also enough to realize that each of them affects Blaine differently.

With Rachel, it’s a simple, steady hum of attraction under his skin and in his fingertips when she’s near, she’s all soft lips and gentle curves and silky hair.

Kurt is a tempestuous boiling of want; he’s desire lacing Blaine’s blood with dark smudges of thoughts that make him blush. One look, a smile, tilting his head just so, the line of his long legs as he’s walking somewhere at the other end of the hallway or dancing in Glee – even the most innocent moments can grip Blaine sometimes and keep him hostage, make him squirm.

If he were to compare each of them to ice-cream flavors, Rachel would be the best French vanilla, sweet and rich, with occasional pockets of hidden caramel when she turns on her sultry, seductive side.

Kurt… Kurt is the finest dark chocolate, bitter-sweet and sublime, surprising with a chili aftertaste, a bit of mint filling, an almond hidden where you never expected it.

Rachel means jerking off every time after they kiss onstage – late at night when Blaine’s back home, safely ensconced in his bed behind a closed door.

Two minutes of kissing Kurt, one unexpected afternoon when they’re miraculously the last ones left in the empty locker room after PE, and Blaine ends up getting off desperately in a school restroom because the need is overwhelming and immediate, blocking all the other thoughts and impossible to conceal in his skinny jeans before he gets to Glee practice.

Rachel’s charm is simple and easy to understand, it’s up on the surface, obvious when she allows it to be. She seems innocent and cute most of the time – but Blaine saw her other side, the one with stronger make-up and more revealing clothes, with open seductiveness, and now it’s so easy to notice it glinting in her eyes sometimes, hidden behind the sweet mask of her face, or in the way her body moves.

Kurt never acts seductively. He just is, calm and quiet, sometimes even standoffish, but always attentive. Sometimes shy, almost vulnerable when there are no other people around.

They are so very different. Blaine still can’t believe he’s allowed to like and desire both of them.

 

The Warblers from Dalton Academy – their only real competition at Sectionals – are amazing, it turns out. But New Directions are right there with them. There’s a fire in their performance, bright and infectious, and Blaine doesn’t think they’ve ever been so good before, and it’s very much Rachel’s doing.

Blaine really wasn’t surprised to see her featured heavily in their setlist. No one was, though some of the girls grumbled a little, disappointed to be pushed into the background by a newcomer. But everyone knew it was the best choice. Rachel is a natural born leader and her voice is spectacular. Blaine doesn’t understand why she says she’s not planning a career in performance arts.

Whatever her reasons, she’s more than happy to shine during Sectionals. She has a solo and a duet with Blaine, and even an essential part in their group number. It’s a lot for a single person in a show choir, but she handles it beautifully. Blaine just wishes Kurt’s magical voice was more featured, but he realizes it’s hard to find songs that would show it off properly and still be competition material. Kurt doesn’t seem to care too much anyway.

They end up in a draw with the Warblers. Personally, Blaine is convinced they should have won over the bunch of uniformed acapella boys, but what’s important is that they are going to Regionals. And then to Nationals, they’ll be damned if they don’t, with that much power and awesomeness.

In all the celebratory bouncing and group-hugging, it takes Blaine a while to realize that Rachel and Kurt are not with them.

He can’t find them anywhere backstage, so he goes out to the slowly emptying auditorium – and yes, there they are, talking to a middle-aged couple. It takes a moment to compute, from their body language and the way the woman’s eyes look exactly like Kurt’s, but then Blaine smiles. They haven’t told him their parents were going to be here today, but it’s great, it always feels so good when his own parents manage to find time to come see him perform. Which they didn’t this time, there were surgeries and appointments and lectures that couldn’t be rescheduled, but he’s happy for his friends, to see them supported like this.

He’s just considering going over to introduce himself, just as a friend, of course – and tell Rachel and Kurt there’s going to be a celebration at Breadstix tonight – but Kurt notices him and his eyes widen, his head shaking minutely,  _no_. Blaine’s smile fades. Are they ashamed of him? Why would they? He’s nice and polite, his other friends’ parents always love him; is he that much of a secret that they can’t even admit he’s their friend? Fine, okay. Feeling a little hurt, he slides back behind the curtains and returns to the greenroom.

He’s still frowning a minute later when Kurt walks in to gather their things and let everyone know they won’t be going back with them. He leans close to Blaine on his way out the door, just a warm whisper against his ear.

"You’re way too transparent when you look at us; they’d know, or at least suspect. Trust me, it’s better. And  _god_ , I just want to kiss you when you pout like this.”

And then he’s gone, and Blaine is left aching for the touch, the kiss, the time alone.

 

The week before Christmas is always crazy at McKinley, and doubly so for the Glee club members. Even though Coach Sue isn’t playing Grinch this year and Mr. Schue has finally accepted that going from classroom to classroom caroling will never be a good idea, they are still busy. There is Christmas cheer to be spread and charities to sing for, and money to be earned so that they can afford to go to Regionals in March. There’s also plenty of fun to be had as they decorate the choir room and play with Christmas songs to their hearts’ content.

It’s refreshing to see how much Rachel and Kurt are enjoying it. The rest of the club is mostly used to it now, after the last year or two, but seeing his newest friends get carried away and lose themselves in the Christmas spirit despite their usual careful distance gives Blaine a special kind of thrill. He loves Christmas. He loves the colorful lights and the smell of Christmas trees, the snow and the way everyone seems to be happy, if only for a little while.

Rachel and Kurt are going back to LA for Christmas, only to return on January 2nd, and Blaine finds himself a little torn about it. On one hand, he’s going to miss them, he knows that already. Ever since West Side Story, the longest they went without seeing each other was the weekends, and even then he could feel the pull towards them by Sunday afternoon. On the other – he really doesn’t know where he stands with them, and what it means in relation to Christmas.

If he had a girlfriend – or a boyfriend, for that matter – it would be easy: a thoughtful gift, spending time together during the break, kissing under the mistletoe. But there’s nothing ordinary or traditional about them. They’re friends, yes, but other than that? Does it count as more when they’ve only kissed once during the six weeks since the play premiere, and mostly they’re just a big secret, barely acknowledging that there’s anything more than friendship there?  _Is_  there anything more, besides attraction and sexual tension, and a whole lot of fantasies? Blaine doesn’t want to assume, or push them by acting like their boyfriend even in those short moments when there are no people around, and frankly, sometimes he feels like that evening in their attic bedroom was just a vivid, wonderful dream.

In the end, they only exchange brief, awkward hugs (they’re in public, after all) and cheerful wishes of  _Merry Christmas_ , and then the Hummelberrys are gone for a full long week.

 

**VISUAL MAGIC BY HEADBANDXBOWTIES**

[ **They are so very different…** ](http://headbandxbowties.tumblr.com/post/43675173279/those-two-weeks-are-also-enough-to-realize-that)

 


	7. Chapter 5: Trust

Christmas is nice. Cooper comes home for three full days and even though Blaine’s parents are on call, their phones stay blissfully silent for once, at least until they have to return to their usual shifts at the hospital. Once Christmas is over, however, the rest of the week drags as if it would never end, and Blaine knows exactly why that is.

He’s feeling lonely. And not because Mike is away skiing with his parents – he has a feeling he would be restless and unfocused even with his oldest friend there. Blaine simply misses  _them_ , the duo that has become such an essential part of his life lately. The awareness of the thousands of miles between them is almost like a physical ache. They’re too far to reach, and what makes it even worse, Blaine has no way to contact them at all until they come back.

By the time January 2nd rolls around, Blaine’s room is cleaner than it has been in months, his CDs and DVDs neatly stacked and organized alphabetically, and a few of his favorite books reread again.

And when Rachel and Kurt come back, they come with a bang.

"How would you like to spend the evening with us tonight? Our parents won’t be home until tomorrow."

Rachel, like the tease extraordinaire she is, whispers an invitation into Blaine’s ear just as they are walking to their first class after Christmas break – and  _of course_ Blaine’s focus is gone for the day, shifted towards things so much more interesting than classes.

His teachers are not impressed.

 

He sneaks to the Hummelberrys’ back door as soon as it’s dark enough to avoid the nosy neighbors’ eyes, and minutes later he’s upstairs, in the cozy attic bedroom, his arms full of Rachel who’s kissing him enthusiastically. The way she looks tonight makes Blaine’s mouth go dry – she’s barefooted, her short white dress floaty and practically sheer, revealing the line of her panties and the shape of her breasts, bare and perky under the thin fabric. She’s wearing more make-up than Blaine has ever seen on her, and it makes her look older, more refined. He’s not sure if he likes it, actually. Her sweet, girly appearance is what caught his attention in the first place, and a big part of her charm. He wonders if she realizes that.

She kisses Blaine deep and dirty, overwhelming all his senses for a moment, only to laugh brightly and push him away and towards Kurt, who’s standing quietly by his bed. And it’s funny how clear the differences are between the two again. Kurt’s embrace and his soft kiss are like a  _hello_  and  _I missed you_ , and  _it’s good to have you back here_ , and any irrational anxiety Blaine may have had before coming here tonight, any fear that it would feel awkward and wrong after all this time and without the heady rush of post-performance adrenaline, melts into nothing. He’s right where he wants to be, and he’s wanted here.

There is so little time – always too little, just a few hours before he needs to go – so they don’t lose any. One kiss leads to another, to a touch, a stroke, a moan, and soon Blaine is sitting on Kurt’s bed, his shirt unbuttoned and his lap full of a hot, passionate, barely-clothed girl. She’s straddling his thighs, her sinful lips exploring the side of his neck, and she wiggles a little when Blaine traces the shape of her breasts over flimsy fabric with shaky fingers. The fact that he’s allowed to do this, and the way Rachel’s nipples harden into tight buds under his reverent touch – it feels surreal and short-circuits his brain a little. So it’s no wonder, really, that it takes him a long while to realize something is missing.

Or someone.

Once he does, however, Blaine twists to look around so fast that Rachel almost slips off his knees, letting out a disgruntled little squeak.

"Kurt?" He’s not sure why the possibility of Kurt not being here fills him with something akin to panic, but it does. Then there’s a warm hand on his shoulder and Blaine leans back to find a firm, solid body just inches behind him, strong arms embracing his waist the moment he melts into it.

"I’m right here. I didn’t want to… interrupt the two of you."

"I wouldn’t mind." Blaine is already mouthing at Kurt’s neck, straining to get to his lips. In his lap, Rachel snorts with what sounds like a mixture of frustration and amusement.

Kurt leans into the kiss easily, his palms two centers of tingling heat against Blaine’s bare stomach, but something feels off, there’s tension in the air.

"What’s wrong?" It’s barely a whisper against Kurt’s lips and Blaine is so glad that Rachel has just slid off his knees because Kurt doesn’t exactly meet his eyes and Blaine needs to know why. He turns and kneels so that he’s facing the other boy. "You are… distant?"

"I just… I don’t know what I can… How much do you–" Kurt pauses and bites his lip. "I mean, we’ve only made out so far, but… if we went any further. Would it be okay? I don’t want to freak you out, so –"

Blaine feels a wave of tenderness sweep through him as he cups Kurt’s cheek and says with all the certainty he feels.

"You won’t freak me out. I promise. I may never have thought I’d want to be with a boy before, but… it feels right. With you. It’s what I want.  _All_  of it, eventually.” He knows he’s blushing, and the images behind the words make his brain melt a little, but he needs to make it clear. “So why don’t we just… see where the evening takes us?”

It seems to be just the right thing to say because the next thing Blaine knows, he’s down on his back with Kurt kissing him senseless, like he’s been allowed air after being denied for way too long. Frankly, it feels that way to Blaine, too. He’s fantasized about this moment for so long – every night since their last time like this, and having Kurt here, having them both close like this feels almost too good to be true.

Time disappears, irrelevant, as the only rhythm that counts is that of three heartbeats, the only sounds – the primal music of gasps and moans, and whispers of slowly discarded clothing. The light is dimmed, just a lamp standing in the corner of the room, illuminating the way their skin colors match and blend as they lay tangled on the bed, stripped down to their underwear – from Kurt’s pure porcelain tones, through Rachel’s creamy peach, to Blaine’s own darker, olive hue. He catches their reflection in the mirrors of Kurt’s closet door and gasps at how stunning they look together, and tries to etch this picture deep into his memory before Rachel’s lips on his nipple distract him again.

Just like Blaine suspected, nothing they do that night feels even remotely like too much to him. In fact, it’s Rachel who leaves the bed first, kissing them both sweetly before floating through the attic to disappear behind the partition. Blaine’s hand has just found its way towards the bulge of Kurt’s erection a few minutes earlier and he’s absolutely sure the way Kurt is reacting to every stroke and press of his fingers must be the hottest thing in the whole universe.

He looks up briefly when Rachel leaves, covered by nothing but her lacy white panties and the dark curtain of her hair flowing freely halfway down her back. She looks stunning. But then Kurt presses even closer in the newly vacated space, his fingertips toying with the waistband of Blaine’s boxer briefs, and there’s no room in Blaine’s thoughts anymore but for Kurt’s breathless “Is this okay?” and his own “Yes,  _please_ _yes_.”

 

They end up naked in the tangled sheets, sweaty and panting, but unwilling to put even an inch of space between their bodies any sooner than it’s absolutely necessary, even when the stickiness of come over their skin turns into cold, uncomfortable mess. There’s no telling when they get to be like this again, safe and content in the little bubble of  _them_ , and Blaine wishes there was a way to record this feeling and play it back when he needs it, complete with the soft warmth of Kurt’s skin against his, the perfect sweetness of his kisses and the absolute happiness of lying together like this, too blissed out to move.

The next thing Blaine knows, there’s someone singing nearby, a strong voice that he recognizes as Rachel’s as soon as he’s half-awake. Kurt is already stretching in his arms before nuzzling his face into the crook of Blaine’s shoulder, flushed and adorably sleepy.

"That’s her way of letting us know it’s getting late, I guess. We must have dozed off." Kurt yawns like a kitten before calling towards the partition. "Thank you, Rach!"

"You’re welcome." She sounds bright and chipper. "Are you awake now? Can I put the headphones back on?"

"Sure, we’ll be up in a sec."

A few more minutes of kissing and it’s time to go, and Blaine should probably regret falling asleep and losing almost an hour of time where they could have done more of… anything, really, except he  _can’t_  regret falling asleep in Kurt’s arms and waking up a kiss away from him. This was a part of their evening he’d never fantasized about, and yet discovered he loved it as much as the sex itself.

It’s then that it actually hits him: he just had sex, didn’t he? He’s not sure what the definitions are when it’s between two boys, but what they did tonight definitely felt like sex to him. Turning onto his street, puffing out little clouds of breath in the cold January air as he walks, he has to smile at the irony of the fact that West Side Story – if not Artie’s comment directly – was the beginning of the strange, wild thing the three of them have now.

Maybe he should send Artie flowers.

 

It’s late that night, when Blaine is lying in bed, wide awake and going through every detail of their evening in his head, when the realization comes, freezing the smile on his face.

Rachel never came back after she left the bed. She didn’t even come to say goodnight, didn’t peek from behind her partition, nothing. Was she offended? Mad at him? He got completely sidetracked, lost in Kurt, she must have felt ignored, left on her own when the two of them–

Oh god, he acted like a Neanderthal, didn’t he? Completely neglecting her needs, forgetting all about her the second Kurt’s hand was on his cock, and – even worse! – falling asleep afterwards, while she sat there, alone and unsatisfied. No girl would tolerate such behavior, and rightfully so – and Rachel, with her rather tempestuous, dramatic tendencies… God, she’ll never forgive him, will she? And if she won’t, what about Kurt? Will he at least still talk to Blaine? Or did he just lose them both because he was thinking with his dick instead of his brain?

Blaine can barely sleep that night. He can just watch the digits on his alarm clock push the hours forward as he lies awake, worrying and analyzing, dreading the morning. They’ve become so important to him, he has no idea how he could function without them in his life anymore. Slowly and surely, over the last two months they’d become his friends, his lovers, the most important people in his life. Rachel’s laughter, Kurt’s voice, every smile and expression and gesture, it’s all so tightly woven into the fabric of Blaine’s life now that he can’t imagine it gone and when he tries, it feels like he’s suffocating.

But what’s the chance that the three of them would be alright? He will grovel and apologize and beg Rachel to forgive him, he will promise to do better next time – if he’s allowed a next time. Oh please, let him be allowed another time…

But god, he has no idea what he’s doing. He’s never been with  _anyone_ , sexually or not, what made him think he could handle a relationship with  _two_  people, and such exceptional ones? He was clearly delusional, thinking he could be what they need. 

For the first time since November, Blaine finds himself completely unmotivated to get out of bed in the morning. He does anyway. He needs to talk to Rachel – probably to both of them, if they’ll even want to talk – and there’s no better time than before classes start.

Rachel and Kurt are standing next to Blaine’s locker when he arrives, deep in a conversation, and it sends his heart into a stuttering gallop – are they talking about him? Deciding what to do, how to end it, clean and fast? His feet slow down without his conscious decision, as if trying to postpone the inevitable, but he’s so close – too close – and maybe he could turn away and flee, hide, disappear, maybe they wouldn’t notice–

Just then they look around and – yeah, it’s too late now, they’ve noticed him already.

They’ve noticed – and they’re  _smiling_. Brightly, happily, and there’s tenderness in Kurt’s eyes, unhidden affection still lingering since last night, and this alone warms Blaine to the bone, soothes his nerves, but – Rachel’s smiling too. No anger in her face, no pouting or scowling, no sign of trouble at all.

Blaine doesn’t understand.

He didn’t bring coffee this morning, not sure it wouldn’t be thrown in his face if Rachel was feeling particularly dramatic (and yes, now, in the light of day, he does recognize how ridiculously over the top some of his night fears were), but he gestures towards the empty classroom anyway.

"Can we talk?"

Now they look worried, and really, Blaine needs to get this sorted out in his head because right now, he has no idea where he stands with them.

"Are you mad at me?" he turns to Rachel as soon as they’re settled in their seats.

Her eyebrows rise in surprise. “Why would I be mad at you, Blaine?”

"Last night. I… I got distracted – wonderfully distracted, but I didn’t pay you enough attention,  _no_  attention really, and you left, and I’m sorry, I should have, but I was – it was –”

A brush of cool fingers over his hand makes him pause.

Kurt is looking at him with something warm and soft in his face, and Rachel is shaking her head, eyes wide.

"Oh no, honey, did you worry about it all night? Is that why you look so tired? Of course I’m not mad, I have no reason to be mad at you." She glances around to make sure they are still alone and continues quietly. "I left because you boys looked like you had it covered, you didn’t need me there, did you? Believe me, I would have gotten your attention if I wanted to." She smirks, sassy and confident. "I just decided it was time to call it a night. It was my decision, you did nothing wrong. And it will most likely happen again next time, so–" She shrugs and smiles. "Are you okay with that?"

He can barely think beyond  _next time, there will be a next time_ , but he nods emphatically. “Yes.” There’s still worry lingering in the back of his mind though. “But. Shouldn’t we… have some rules? For when we’re alone? Because I feel like I made a terrible faux pas and you say it was okay, and clearly my instincts are completely off here and I get carried away and I don’t know– I just don’t want to offend either of you, ever, but I don’t know what I’m doing.”

It’s Kurt who answers this time, earnest and understanding. “Do you  _need_  rules? Because we can make some up if you do, but maybe… Can we just do what feels right and promise to talk if something doesn’t?”

Rachel nods in agreement and supplies, “I mean, Kurt and I don’t go beyond a certain comfort zone with each other, and I can’t lose my virginity, but other than that –” Blaine feels his jaw drop and Rachel frowns. “What?”

"I thought… you two…"

There’s a moment of confusion; Kurt gets it first and chuckles. “You thought we were having sex? Oh god, Blaine, no! There’s a limit, you know. She may not be my real sister, but nope. No actual sex.”

"But you seem so experienced! And with what you said about getting in trouble in LA, I thought–" Blaine’s head is still reeling with this newest discovery, and it’s probably awfully rude and completely ungentlemanly to say things like this, but he can’t seem to control his mouth right now. Thankfully, they both laugh before Kurt explains.

"Oh, she got  _some_ experience in LA – we both did, I guess, with a couple of girls from our old school. It was nothing as wild as you probably imagine though. Remember how our parents are, they really didn’t need much to call it trouble. Truth be told, they thought it was me who set it up and Rachel was just covering for me. It would have gone way worse if they knew otherwise.”

"So they’re… homophobic?" They rarely talk about their parents and Blaine just wants to know, sometimes, certain it would help him understand better.

Kurt gets more serious now. “In their own way, yes. Let’s say that… they think it’s a question of choice, and it’s as treatable as it is unnatural. They believe in sending gay people to those therapies that are supposed to make them straight, for their own good, of course. So… yeah. Coming out is not an option.”

"I prefer boys, though. I just wanted to experiment." Rachel adds with a smile. They both look so calm even though Blaine’s skin is crawling at the thought of such ignorance and what it must feel like for them to live with it every day.

The warning bell cuts their conversation short as the rest of the class starts to fill the room. Rachel shoots Blaine one last smile before turning to take out her books. “So, you’re still interested, now that you know all that?”

"Absolutely." And he is, probably even more so. Before, he felt a little like a clueless child in comparison to what he thought Kurt and Rachel knew and experienced. Now that he knows they’re on fairly even ground, it feels even sweeter, more precious. They’re figuring things out together. It feels like a gift. 

 

That second evening alone seems to be the confirmed, tangible proof that they really are more than good friends. It’s like crossing a line that lets them be  _more_  – more open, more daring, both platonically and not.

They start taking some risks that – objectively – they definitely shouldn’t take: whispering private little thoughts in the hallways or even in class, ones that make them blush and grin for long minutes afterwards. Meeting with Kurt in the boys restroom once, then in a janitor’s closet with Rachel, to trade hurried kisses. Wandering off to hide under the bleachers during a free period, seeking privacy.

They’re playing with fire.

But there’s more than that: Blaine feels like he can be more open with them as a friend now. For the first time he dares to ask questions about their personal lives, things that have been bothering him for some time – no longer afraid they might shut him out for being nosy. He’s still careful about his wording, though – he knows they’re both fiercely proud, and definitely doesn’t want to offend them. But he has his observations, his guesses.

They always walk to school instead of driving, no matter the weather; always bring their own lunch, and Blaine suspects it’s not  _just_  because it’s healthy and organic, like Kurt states. Their clothes are varied and amazing, but surprisingly, always complemented by the same few pairs of shoes.

So no, he doesn’t ask if there are money troubles in their family. But he offers them a ride home one particularly freezing January afternoon, and it’s a standing invitation from then on, one they accept every now and then. He brings them coffee three times a week, just because he can, and besides, Kurt’s morning pastries have become a standard lately. He finally asks why they have no cell phones or computers – a fact that’s so unusual it’s been on his mind for months now – and learns it’s part of their parents’ plan to keep them in check after the LA “trouble”.

He tells them more about himself, too – how his parents never seem to have enough time for anything, so their house and their life is always a little crazy, a bit off-balance, though never lacking love or care. How Cooper is sometimes so full of himself it grates on everyone’s nerves, but Blaine loves him dearly. About his childhood memories and his future dreams. About everything, really, and sometimes he feels like maybe he shouldn’t when the siblings’ eyes grow a bit melancholy, but they always ask anyway, so he talks.

It feels so good to be able to talk so freely, without wondering about what he should and shouldn’t say. He’s so much closer to Rachel and Kurt now, in every way – and every day, every conversation and stolen kiss, every smile and every little thing he learns about them only deepens Blaine’s infatuation.

 

"You look lovely today," Blaine says in lieu of a greeting as he approaches his locker one morning, Rachel twirling in front of it. The navy dress she is wearing despite the cruel cold outside falls just above her knees and is as modest as all of her school clothes – no low necklines or risky cuts – but it’s perfectly fitted on her, the skirt of it flowing gracefully around her slender legs as she turns around once more and bows, beaming.

"Thank you! Kurt did an amazing job on it, didn’t he?"

"Kurt?" Blaine glances between them, incomprehensive.

"Well yes. He makes or fits most of our clothes, didn’t he tell you? He’s kind of a fashion prodigy."

Kurt looks bashful where he’s leaning against a locker, cheeks pink and eyes trained on the floor, and Blaine smiles, another mystery of the siblings solved.

"Wow. That’s…  _really_  impressive.” He says in an awed voice. “You two are always so well-dressed, I never would have guessed–”

"Pff." Kurt looks at him with a smirk. "Of course custom-made clothes look better than off the rack, Blaine. But thank you. I like to think I’m pretty good at it."

"So do all of his fans on etsy." Rachel singsongs, and Kurt shushes her, glaring. She winks at Blaine, nonplussed, and adds in a stage whisper. "But shh, it’s a secret."

"Of course." He smiles at Kurt, his curiosity peaked. "So are you planning a career in fashion then?"

He’s not sure what he said wrong, but Kurt’s expression changes at that, closing off like a shutter.

"I… I don’t know yet. Time will tell." He shrugs and plasters an overly bright smile on his face. "So what are you planning for this week’s Glee assignment?"

Closer or not, Blaine knows when not to push.

 

"So, is he taken?" Sugar, a willowy freshman who joined them after Sectionals plops down on the chair next to Blaine one day, at the beginning of February. He startles, hastily looking away from where Kurt is standing up front, laughing at something Mike said, with his head thrown back and the long line of his throat exposed.

"What? Who?"

Sugar laughs brightly and shakes her head. “Kurt Hummelberry, of course. Is there some girlfriend waiting in LA?”

Okay, everyone is long used to Blaine being the Hummelberrys’ best friend, but still –

"Kurt? Really?"

Sugar lets out a long-suffering sigh. “I know, of course you don’t understand, you only have eyes for Rachel.” Blaine opens his mouth – to say what, he’s not even sure – but she chatters on. “But Kurt… we were wondering, with the girls. Yum, he’s hot.”

Blaine shuts his mouth with a click. Of course he is, no one knows it better than Blaine, but – “Seriously?”

Sugar shrugs. “You can’t see it, I know. But look at him.” She actually turns his face toward the front where Kurt is now trying to mimic some dance move Mike is showing him, one that involves a lot of swaying hips, fuck. “Look. His face, his eyes, his arms. His  _ass_ , Blaine. And those lips were made for kissing, I’m sure of it. Not to mention, have you seen any other guy at this school who looks as classy? I mean, you’re not bad, but Kurt… So. Is he? Taken?”

Blaine has to shake his head a little to clear it from the images that he prefers not to think about unless he’s alone. “Um. Not that I know of.” He isn’t. Technically.

Sugar bounces a little. “Excellent. I’ll tell the girls.” She pauses, then adds. “She’s totally not into you, by the way. Rachel, I mean. She’s not interested romantically, believe me, I have a sixth sense about those things. You’re welcome.”

And with that, she skips away, leaving Blaine with his mouth open and his mind reeling. 

**_____________________**

**CHAPTER ART BY HEADBANDXBOWTIES**

[Oh, Sugar…](http://headbandxbowties.tumblr.com/post/43754969146/you-cant-see-it-i-know-but-look-at-him-she)

 


	8. Chapter 6: Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day is approaching fast and it’s the first time since his epic crush on his friend Amy in middle school that Blaine is actually excited about it. He’s got someone to surprise this year – he’s got  _two_  people who matter to him and need to know it. And it would be easy and wonderful and so natural – almost all of his friends are excitedly preparing dates and songs and gifts for their boyfriends and girlfriends, it’s all they talk about lately – except no one can know.

So much has changed since the West Side Story opening night, and yet, some things never changed at all. Everyone knows Blaine is friends with the Hummelberrys now; some people even guess that he has a little crush, though their suspicions are firmly focused on Rachel.

But people talking and guessing is one thing, and the official picture is another – and the true nature of their relationship has to remain a tightly guarded secret. Whatever Blaine prepares for Valentine’s Day, it can be in no way public. What’s more, it has to be subtle enough that even if Rachel and Kurt’s parents stumble upon it, it won’t raise suspicions that anything more than friendship is going on.

And that’s what makes it complicated.

Blaine spends a week planning and thinking, discarding idea after idea. He wants his gift to be original and personal, created just for them; something unconventional and thoughtful, but not over the top. And it needs to speak of affection and attraction, but without using the word  _love_.

Of course, it’s everywhere now, especially this time of year – a word so overused and thrown about that it’s hard to find a way around it. But that’s exactly why he wants to avoid it. He knows most of his friends think nothing of showering their girlfriends and boyfriends, no matter how temporary, with hearts and love cards and  _I love you_ 's. But Blaine has always seen love as something precious, so much more than just a word, and even with everything Rachel and Kurt make him feel, he's not quite there yet. He wants to be absolutely certain, needs to know this is  _it_ , before he can tell someone he loves them. And until then, even a silly card with the word  _love_ , or lyrics of a song that use it, just doesn’t feel right.

When he finds it at last, an idea so perfect it makes him do a little victory dance right in the middle of the kitchen, there’s still one problem left. He can pass them the gift in secret, but the song, while innocent, would just make people talk and speculate if he sang it in Glee during their Valentine’s Day’s assignment, no matter what he would or wouldn’t say.

It takes some more scheming and a few hours in his empty house with the piano and a microphone and some pretty paper, but then it’s done, and Blaine must admit he is actually proud of himself. The gift, sealed in a thick hand-made envelope, feels just right. Now he just needs to deliver it discreetly.

 

In all of his preoccupation with the perfect gift, Blaine never stopped to think that Rachel and Kurt might want to get him something, too. It probably says something about his perception of their relationship, how he feels honored to be accepted and wanted by them, and not entirely certain what he did to deserve it. So he freezes for a moment, surprised, when Rachel takes a plain brown box out of her bag and puts it in his open locker as soon as they meet on Valentine’s Day morning. She laughs quietly at his bewildered expression.

"Happy Valentine’s Day, silly. Don’t open it until you’re home."

Blaine hurries to hide the box behind the mess of books in the locker, his cheeks warm, and he’s pretty sure he’s still blushing when he faces them again.

"Thank you. I’ve got something for you too, just… later. Not in public." His package is nowhere near as discreet as the box – the choice of sparkly red paper for the envelope might have been a bit of overkill.

Kurt nods, grinning, and gestures towards an empty classroom. “Come on, I have a surprise for you.”

Kurt seems bouncy today, excited, and as soon as they’re seated, he puts a small paper bag in front of Blaine. It looks like any other of his baked goods packages and Blaine raises a curious eyebrow as he takes the bag and opens it – and then the scent hits him, making him gasp.

"Anise cookies." Kurt confirms, suddenly bashful. "I’m not sure if they’re actually like those your grandma used to make, but I searched for recipes that fit your description, and modified them some, and… I hope they’re okay. I’ve never tried making anything with anise before, so I’m not sure."

"You remembered." Something catches in Blaine’s throat.

"Of course I did. It was something important you shared, how could I not?"

Kurt looks adorable, slightly flustered, and Blaine really, really wants to hug him senseless right now.

His grandma passed away over a year ago, and her anise cookies are a memory as old as Blaine can remember. They were his favorite, so she made them every time Blaine came to visit her in Florida – which wasn’t often enough – and the taste was something that always spelled  _happiness_ and  _safety_  for him, no matter what. Blaine’s mom tried to recreate the recipe, but hers were never quite the same. These, however–

"Oh my god, how did you do it?" They look a bit different, but the familiar taste is like a flashback to the old sunny kitchen where Blaine spent long hours, singing loudly with his grandma, helping her with dinner, drinking hot cocoa, or just talking about whatever was on his mind. It’s something Blaine lost all hope of experiencing ever again, and maybe he should be embarrassed about the sting of tears in his eyes, but he can’t bring himself to care. "They’re  _perfect_ , Kurt. They’re just like I remember.”

Kurt’s smile is so bright and happy that it seems to fill the whole room. “I think it’s the modifications, no actual recipe sounded exactly right, but you gave me enough details to work with. There are crushed anise seeds instead of an extract, and some crushed black pepper, a little lemon – I wrote it all down, I’ll give you the recipe so that you can always have them when… when you miss her.”

Kurt’s eyes are momentarily shadowed with sadness, his voice breaking just slightly at the end, and suddenly Blaine remembers: he knows all too well what it feels like to lose someone you loved.

The need to pull Kurt into a hug is overwhelming, public setting be damned.

"So are you planning to sing anything in Glee today?" Rachel’s cheerful voice breaks the mood and Blaine is half-glad because he was about four seconds from doing or saying something he really shouldn’t, not here – and probably not yet.

"No. I would, but –" he shrugs

"Yeah. I know." Rachel sighs dramatically. "I think it’s the first time I don’t have anything ready for an assignment, but no matter how I tried, I couldn’t find a song that wouldn’t reveal too much. Oh well. I’ll let others shine for a change."

They all laugh and the atmosphere is light again, but something in Blaine’s chest has shifted, a tiny, gentle change that he doesn’t understand yet, but he suspects may mean a lot.

 

Blaine hasn’t had so much fun on Valentine’s Day in years. Even with the secrecy, the siblings are all silly and flirty today. Rachel turns the seductress mode on and off smoothly, just enough to tease; Kurt gives him bedroom eyes whenever he can get away with it, making Blaine’s knees go weak and his mouth dry. How does he do that, and within a single hour – going from melting Blaine completely with emotions to making him hard and desperate with one look?

Both Rachel and Blaine get some secret Valentine cards and heart candy (plus, in Blaine’s case, one very clear invitation of not entirely platonic variety that he politely declines), but it’s nothing to Kurt’s fare. He’s being positively showered with little gifts all day, heart-bearing messages and, in one case, a huge gift basket with sweets and a big pink plushy kitten (that’s Sugar for you; no one can say she doesn’t go all the way with her affections). Most of those come from blushing, starry-eyed freshman and sophomore girls who look at Kurt with awe and shy smiles, and giggle as they flit away. Kurt seems completely overwhelmed, stunned by the attention and uncertain what to do with it at all. His wide-eyed disbelief is absolutely adorable.

"He’s never had that before." Rachel leans toward Blaine in the choir room as they both watch, with entirely too much amusement, how Kurt’s trying to deal with Sugar’s enthusiastic flirting attempts. "He only really got so… you know, buff and hot over the summer. Girls never used to come on to him before. Oh, I’m going to tease him so much about it!" She grins and Blaine can’t hold in a snort. Mischief looks good on her.

Glee is like a love song festival today, and none of the couples in the room seem to care about PDA in the slightest – not that they usually do, but today it seems more obnoxious than ever.

But Blaine has a bigger problem than that. The gift envelope is still in his bag – he forgot all about it in light of Kurt’s cookie surprise in the morning, and all throughout the day there was absolutely no privacy to be found anywhere, every nook and cranny occupied by couples. He hoped to convince the siblings to get a ride home with him and give them the package in the car, but it turned out their mom is picking them up today, so there goes his plan B. Now what?

Now, it seems, he’ll have to do a little locker break-in. Although, is it even a break-in when he knows the combination, having seen it in use dozens of times? A little trip to the bathroom in between songs – the hallways are empty and silent at this hour – and five minutes later Blaine’s back in the choir room, proud of his stealth.

The envelope is in Kurt’s locker, front and centre, when they go to pick up their books after Glee, and Kurt’s eyes widen as he takes in the tiny  _Rachel & Kurt _on the sealed flap. There are a few people from New Directions still around, so he just tucks the envelope carefully into his bag and only arches his eyebrow at Blaine when they’re out in the parking lot. Blaine grins and mouths  _Happy Valentine’s Day_ , wishing he could see their reactions to his little gift.

 

The brown box is sealed, so Blaine can’t smell anything until he’s in his bedroom, cutting the tape and opening the flaps – but then the spicy aroma of anise cookies raises like a heavenly cloud to permeate the air. There’s another, bigger bag of them inside – clear cellophane tied closed with a piece of red ribbon, a piece of stiff red paper attached. Blaine reaches for it with a smile and sure enough, it’s the recipe Kurt promised him, penned neatly in his curved script. On the back, there’s a little note: _Attempt #1 of however many. I’ll find the right one for you, I promise. K_. Blaine already knows he’ll keep the card for himself, only making a copy for his mom to have in the kitchen.

It’s the most thoughtful gift he’d ever received, one that keeps on giving, and it’s not even the only thing in the package.

A black box lies on top of a pink envelope, and Blaine opens it, curious – and gasps.

The bowtie nestled in the box is vibrant red, with a subtle pattern of tiny black musical notes. The fabric is smooth and soft to the touch and Blaine can’t resist taking it out and holding it up to the collar of the navy button-up he’s wearing today. It looks just right – not too flashy, sort of understated, but classy.

He doesn’t wear bowties often, usually choosing simple style, bordering on smart casual, but every now and then, when he feels like having some fun with his clothes, he pulls out one of the few he has. Red will go perfectly with many of his shirts – his wardrobe is full of white and navy and grey. Blaine has no doubt the bowtie was Kurt’s idea – it’s so much like him to notice things like that; another proof of his thoughtfulness.

It’s only when he’s putting the bowtie back in the box that Blaine finds the note that was hidden underneath. He opens the plain, cream-colored card, smiling as he reads.

_Blaine –_

_Every time I see you wearing a bowtie, I just want to kiss you breathless. You have no idea how adorable you look in them, or how hot it is that you can actually tie them, do you?_

_I saw this fabric and I couldn’t resist. It would be perfect with that black shirt that accentuates your shoulders so well, the one you were wearing when I first saw you._

_I hope you like it – Kurt_

His cheeks feel warm when he puts away the note. Black shirt… he knows which one Kurt means; he remembers wearing it the first day of school, and then not until recently because a button fell off and he kept forgetting to sew it back on.

Does it mean Kurt noticed him back then already? That’s pretty… wow.

And wait, Kurt said he couldn’t resist the fabric, does it mean he  _made_ this bowtie? It’s hard to believe, it looks so perfect – but sure enough, as Blaine looks closer, he notices the tiny  _K.H._  embroidered discreetly in golden thread, on the inside of the band that goes around his neck. Suddenly the gift feels even more precious: Kurt made it. With his own hands. He thought about Blaine when he saw the fabric, he spent who knows how much time planning and sewing it, just for him.

Wow. His own gift seems so silly right now.

Once he finally stops dancing around the room in elation, the piece of fabric held to his face – and he’d swear he can smell just a hint of Kurt’s cologne on it – Blaine reaches for the envelope. It’s sealed with a single golden star sticker, and when he opens it, a piece of pink paper slips out first, Rachel’s loopy handwriting on top.

_Just a little memento of our time together. Happy Valentine’s Day!_

There’s a photo in the envelope, stuck to a piece of golden cardboard that makes a frame, and Blaine can’t stop a smile spreading on his face when he sees it. He doesn’t know where Rachel found it, but he remembers her pestering everyone who took pictures during West Side Story rehearsals and performances because she wanted to make a scrapbook. This is definitely one of the photos she must have found, and the only one of the three of them together Blaine has ever seen.

It was taken backstage, after one of the shows, and both Blaine and Rachel look a bit tired and mussed, but exhilarated. Rachel is sitting in front of the mirror, turned towards Blaine and Kurt who both stand next to her, and they’re all laughing at something, looking happy and unrestrained. It’s a lovely picture, even if it’s just a candid, a snapshot with a too dark background and people behind them, and Rachel’s right. It’s a perfect memento, something he’ll definitely treasure.

With a smile, he puts the simple frame on his bedside table.

 

—-

_"Kurt, baby, why are you crying?"_

_Kurt looks up from the flower he’s holding delicately in his palm – a beautiful,_ [**_purple origami iris_ **](http://www.origami-flower.org/flower-origami-iris-simple/Images/flower-origami-iris-simple.jpg) _– and quickly dries his eyes with a sleeve. He hasn’t even realized he teared up._

_"No, it’s nothing. Just… the song."_

_"The song is lovely, and Blaine performs it near perfectly, but it’s not one to cry to, is it?"_

_It’s not, not really – in fact, it’s_ **[ _one of the most positive, affirming songs_ ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaYqNbnMqI8) ** _Kurt has ever heard. Which doesn’t change the fact that he felt his throat tighten as soon as they put on the untitled CD that was in the envelope along with the origami flowers and he heard Blaine’s voice singing the opening lines to the accompaniment of the piano._

_"I know, but… no one has ever sung to me before, you know? No one but you, at least. I didn’t know it would feel like this. And… he recorded the song for us, Rach, to tell us we make him smile. And what happens when we–"_

_She turns from her corkboard where she’s been placing her own flower, a_ **[ _pretty pink rose_ ](http://zingman.com/origami/oriPics/roses/rose4pink02_640.jpg) ** _, and drops to the floor by Kurt’s side. He carefully puts away the iris before letting her gather him in a tight embrace._

_"Shh, it will be fine. Everything will be fine."_

_"Promise?" The tears are flowing again, and Kurt doesn’t stop them anymore. Rachel kisses his wet, salty lips._

_"I promise."_

—-

 

The morning after Valentine’s Day Blaine arrives at school almost an hour before classes begin, impatient and giddy to see Kurt and Rachel, to thank them and learn if they liked his little gift. The hallways are almost deserted, but they’re already there by his locker, bright eyes and brighter smiles, and Blaine’s heart stutters at the already-familiar scene in a way that seems new. They have at least a half hour in the empty classroom before other students will start to drift in, but it’s just an illusion of privacy, they can’t let themselves slip, and Blaine’s fingers and lips are  _itching_.

Yes, they loved the song and the flowers, he learns, and Kurt’s face in particular is softer, affected somehow, and Blaine can’t think about it too much because he’ll forget all about where they are and what they’re not allowed to do. So he thanks them for their gifts instead, tries to tell them exactly how perfect he found them, but nothing seems like enough, they’re just words that can’t really express the entirety of his feelings.

So he keeps Kurt behind in the locker room after PE that afternoon, keeps him with a shortest whisper of a plea as they move out of the gym. Miraculously no one dawdles today, no one stays behind or pays them any attention, and soon they’re the last two in there, both still not showered and sweaty, and so hot against each other as they hide in the dark corner and press together, frantic and desperate, well aware just how little time they have and determined not to waste any. It’s the first time in Blaine’s life that he comes in his pants, which is glorious and shocking, and then uncomfortable as hell, and thank god they’re going to shower and change anyway. Kurt’s face, so bare and stunningly undone in the light of day, is something he’ll never be able to wipe off his memory.

It isn’t until that evening that Blaine allows himself to verbalize to himself what’s been nibbling at his brain all day.

Somewhere between last night and this morning, something seems to have switched in his mind.

He no longer thinks about the Hummelberrys as a unit now. They’re not  _Rachel-and-Kurt_  anymore, they’re two very separate people, with potentially very separate emotions attached to them. There’s Rachel and there’s Kurt. Or maybe even, there’s Kurt, and then Rachel. And it’s a little scary and maybe a lot beautiful, but for now, it mostly makes Blaine’s head spin, so he leaves it at that and thinks:  _time will tell_.

 ———————————————————

**CHAPTER ART by headbandxbowties**

[Kurt Hummelberry Appreciation Club](http://headbandxbowties.tumblr.com/post/43840251083/both-rachel-and-blaine-get-some-secret-valentine)

 


	9. Chapter 7: Kurt

"Kurt, are you alright?"

"Of course, why wouldn’t I be?" It’s an automatic response, Blaine can tell; it comes out snappy and Kurt looks up at him apologetically, but doesn’t say anything more.

"I don’t know – you seem preoccupied these last few days. You disappear during lunch breaks, you snap at people who care about you–"

Kurt sighs and puts away his sandwich. “– and the muffins were burned this morning, I know. This last part is actually Rachel’s fault, she’s learning to bake.”

To Blaine’s left, Rachel huffs irritably. Kurt pats her hand and turns back to Blaine. Even his smile seems half-hearted.

"It’s nothing, just some trouble at home. I’ll be fine."

"Any way I can help?"

"No. But thank you."

This time the smile is real, if only a flash.

 

—-

_"Son, you’re turning seventeen in three months, it’s time you learned how to be a man."_

_It’s the last week of February. They’re alone in the kitchen, just the two of them, and it’s one of those moments when Kurt is painfully aware that this man is not_ really _his dad, no matter how many years they’ve played family._

_"Are you saying I’m not a man now?" It comes out sharp, defensive, and their father holds up his hands, a placating gesture._

_"Hey, don’t you get all spiky on me. Right now, you’re a boy. A good boy, with a lot of potential, but a boy nonetheless. You’re all about dreams and passions and music. And real life isn’t like that. It’s time to learn that a man has to be practical and rational, and often has to sacrifice his own desires for the good of his family."_

_It’s hitting awfully close to home and Kurt forces his face into a neutral expression even as his insides twist unpleasantly. Their father doesn’t know. He_ can’t _know. The reaction would be much less civilized if he did. Still –_

_"And how do you suggest I learn that?"_

_"I’ll teach you. We’ll start with practical things – house maintenance, household and car repairs, keeping a budget, things like that. And it’s time to give up the girly stuff, son."_

_"Girly stuff?"_

_"All the cooking, baking, sewing. You’re going to leave it to Rachel and your mother from now on."_

_"But –" Kurt’s eyes widen._

_"No, Kurt. That’s my final word. These are not your responsibilities and you’re too old now to keep dabbling in stuff that doesn’t matter. You’ll have plenty of other things to do."_

_And he does. This whole week, Kurt’s every free minute is filled with “manly stuff”: assisting their father in various tasks around the house and in the garage, discussions about proper jobs for a man (“It’s not about dreams, son, it’s about stability and providing for your family. The pay, the benefits, the hours – that’s what counts.”), even male bonding. They go to see a game of college basketball together – something Kurt is profoundly bored with. Then, despite Kurt’s protests, their father takes him along to his weekly poker night at a local pub (“Just remember, never actually play for money. It’s supposed to be fun, and not ruin you.”) and even goes as far as offering to buy him a small beer, which Kurt refuses icily._

_It’s a nightmare, this whole week – being so bluntly reminded of their parents’ expectations of him, of the person they want to see in their son. He’s known all along, of course, but it could always be pushed aside in favor of finding the little joys in everyday life. It has always been something to think about later._

_Well, the later is now._

_He drags his feet through each day, gritting his teeth as he watches Rachel butcher most of her cooking attempts and he’s not allowed to help or, better yet, take over, because she’s hopeless in the kitchen._

_He steals away every free moment at school to hide in the home ec classroom and work on the clothes he needs to finish sewing for an order. He can’t do it at home now and the buyers are waiting, so there’s no choice, really, but it cuts severely into his time with Blaine, and that sucks._

_He bites his tongue most of the time he’s with their father, trying not to make things worse by spitting out that he doesn’t care about sports or poker or guy time, and if anything major needs repairing he’d rather pay an expert to do it, and anyway, what does it matter, he’s never going to have a family of his own._

_All in all, the week is bleak and dreary. But the worst comes on Sunday._

_He doesn’t think much of it when their father wakes him up before dawn and tells him to prepare for a day out in the woods. Hiking trip then, another attempt at bonding. Fine, he can survive that. And then tomorrow… Tomorrow their parents are off to LA again, and it will be baking, and sewing, and time with Blaine. The prospect makes him almost cheerful._

_Except when they get out of the car two hours later, there’s a small gathering of men already there, and they’re all holding shotguns._

_"Father? What’s going on?" Kurt doesn’t even care how squeaky his voice sounds; he doesn’t like what he sees. Not one bit._

_"Well we’re going hunting, of course! You need to learn how to shoot and it’s the last day of rabbit season, a perfect opportunity to teach you the basics. Come on, I have a sweet gun for you."_

_That night, Kurt hides in Rachel’s arms, the only safe place that’s always, always there for him, and cries – big, hitching sobs muffled against her skin. The terror of this day is still making his whole body shake and he feels like he’s never going to be able to forget the dead eyes and the soft fur covered in blood._

_"I told him, Rach, I told him I couldn’t, and I wouldn’t, and he couldn’t force me even though he was angry. But I still had no choice but to go with them, and watch them shoot the poor little rabbits, oh god, they looked so_ scared _, and then so_ dead _, Rachel! And they just dumped all of them in this big crate in the end, like it was nothing, like they hadn’t been living creatures just hours ago. God, I’ll never eat meat again, ever. And they cheered and had the best fucking time and I had nothing more in my stomach to throw up. And they kept teasing me and–”_

_Soft lips shush him in a way words and soothing murmurs couldn’t, and it’s so familiar and so simple in its comfort that Kurt relaxes the tiniest bit for the first time since this morning. Rachel kisses him sweetly for a moment longer, her hands smoothing up and down his back, before pulling him down to lay side by side on her bed, holding him tight and whispering in his ear._

_"It’s over now, and I bet he’ll never take you hunting again. It’s over. In a few hours they’ll be going to the airport, and we’ll have the house to ourselves. You’ll bake something complicated and we’ll sing all morning, and you will take out your sewing machine. And in the afternoon, we’ll invite Blaine over, okay? That will help, right? Blaine’s lips on you, his hands – he’s got such sensual hands, all warm and gentle –"_

_She’s still holding him so close his face is hidden in her shoulder, but her hand has slid to the waistband of Kurt’s pajama pants now and for a moment he wonders if he wants to stop her. They don’t really do this; they only have a couple of times, experimenting. But the touch feels nice if he doesn’t think about it too much, and he’s clinging to anything that isn’t memories of the hunt._

_Rachel’s fingers are gentle but sure as she strokes him through the fabric, making his cock stir in spite of everything._

_"Let me help you sleep, honey. Let me help you forget. Imagine it’s not my hand. I know his is larger, but you have a great imagination, don’t you? He’ll be here tomorrow, kissing you like he’s starved for you, running his hands all over you –"_

_Kurt feels himself harden quickly, a quiet moan escaping him before he whispers “Yes, please” and a warm hand pushes his pants down a little, just enough to expose his cock. His imagination is hard at work already, remembering the taste of Blaine’s lips, the thrilling hardness of his body against Kurt’s, the firm grip of his hand. Rachel is quiet now, just stroking him, inexpert but steady, letting him immerse in the fantasy that is so much better for the fact that it’s going to come true soon. It doesn’t take long at all to get completely lost in it, forgetting about the terrible day and the bad week he’s had. When he falls over the edge, it’s to the memory of Blaine moaning his name as he came all over his hand, undone and breathtaking._

_It’s so easy to fall asleep afterwards, to just give in to the pull of the unconscious, barely aware he’s being cleaned up and tucked in the safe cocoon of blankets. The soft kiss to his forehead is the last thing that registers before he drifts off, and he tries to whisper “Thank you”, but words get lost between his fuzzy brain and uncooperative lips._

_In his dream, Rachel and he are rabbits, small and terrified, being chased and shot at. People keep coming at them from all directions – kind, smiling faces over deadly shotguns – until there’s nowhere to go, no place to hide._

_He wakes up screaming._

—-

 

"I want tonight to be just for Kurt. He’s had a terrible week and he’s trying not to show how much it affects him, but I can see he’s crumbling. I want us to take care of him, let him unwind. Can you do that?"

It’s the first thing out of Rachel’s mouth as she opens the back door for Blaine that Monday evening, a frantic whisper after a fleeting kiss on the cheek, and he finds himself nodding immediately, something clenching in his chest at the thought of Kurt suffering for any reason.

"Of course."

He follows her up to the attic and she’s right, the tension in Kurt’s frame is obvious, as are the dark circles under his eyes and the unnatural paleness of his fair skin. He looks frail, brittle, and Blaine wonders how he’d managed not to notice it at school today – nothing besides a bit of tiredness, perhaps. Then again, Kurt is a master of control when it comes to his face, his posture. He never lets weakness show unless he feels he can lower his defenses and relax, safe to be himself. It gives Blaine a bit of a heady rush, to know that Kurt feels that safe around him now.

Kurt smiles when they enter, but something very much like despair is shadowing his eyes where the smile can’t quite reach today, and Blaine’s heart clenches because it’s new and it’s scary, and he knows he’s not going to be allowed close enough to learn what happened, to try and help.

But there  _is_  one way in which he can help, and it has nothing to do with knowledge or words.

He lets his hands and his lips take over, pouring his heart into every kiss and every touch as they work in perfect tandem with Rachel – tender, gentle, but firm, leaving no room for Kurt to take initiative. He doesn’t try though, he just surrenders to their caresses, enclosed tightly between their bodies, and it takes a long while before he even finds his voice, first in quiet sighs that slowly turn into gasps and little moans before every last wall seems to fall and then he’s sprawled on the bed, naked and unrestrained in his reactions.

Rachel’s attention stays firmly focused above Kurt’s waist when Blaine finally slides down the bed to do something he’s been thinking about so much in the last weeks that it turned into an obsession. Kurt is hard and gorgeous, silky-smooth and heavy on Blaine’s tongue, and it’s fumbling and imperfect, and has nothing to do with any technique whatsoever, but it doesn’t matter. It’s them, and it’s want and enthusiasm and another first. It ends too soon, but then again, it would probably feel too soon if it lasted hours because Blaine wants to explore every millimeter of skin, try every combination of licking and kissing and sucking, discover every little mewl and gasp and pleading sound that Kurt can make. He’s bold enough to swallow but there’s too much and he ends up with come trickling down his chin that he surreptitiously wipes on the sheets because he’s not quite ready to lick it off yet.

Kurt is trembling coming down, loose and pliant, and Rachel pulls the warm duvet over the three of them as they lie down, Kurt between them, safe in their embrace. Blaine is almost painfully hard in his pants, but it doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that Kurt’s eyes are the lovely shade of sea water again, not the gray color of rainclouds; that the tension has left his body and his face is so calm now, placid.

It helped – Blaine managed to  _help_ , not alone, but he did, and he feels ridiculously proud.

For a long while they just snuggle like this, languid kisses and gentle strokes that are all comfort and not sex, until Kurt turns to kiss Rachel’s cheek and she sits up, one strap of her black top sliding off her shoulder.

"I’ll leave you two now, if you don’t mind."

And how could Blaine mind when Kurt is already leaning in and tugging at his clothes with impatient fingers, kissing every bit of skin with lips so hot they burn, and yes, that’s the other thing Blaine couldn’t stop imagining lately.

But imagination turns out to be nothing compared to reality of Kurt’s mouth on him and Blaine catches himself hoping Rachel is using her headphones again because there’s no way he can be quiet through this and it seems so private all of a sudden, something just between him and Kurt, and  _wow, that’s new_.

It’s only when he’s walking home late that night, after his knees have stopped feeling like a newborn foal’s, after he’s spent forever naked in the cocoon of the duvet with Kurt, cuddling and then touching and pressing against each other, and then trying to catch their breath all over again – it’s only then that Blaine realizes that he hadn’t even kissed Rachel once today.

And that he doesn’t mind it in the slightest.

 

He’s not the only one who noticed.

"We have to talk." It’s three days later, the lunch break has just started, and Blaine is faced with a very solemn-looking Rachel. Kurt is nowhere to be seen, he must have disappeared to do his sewing again. No help there, then. "I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to get you alone."

"Oh?" It almost sounds like he’s scared but, well, determined Rachel is not something to be taken lightly. Especially when Blaine has a feeling he knows what she wants to talk about.

She doesn’t say a word as she leads him into a side corridor – not until they are leaning against the windowsill at the end of it, with no one around.

"You don’t need me anymore, do you?"

Blaine startles at the bluntness of the question; it’s so unlike her. It’s Kurt who’s the straightforward one – Rachel is a tease, always dancing playfully around a topic before she gets to it. Not today, it seems. Blaine feels his heart speed up, his throat tighten. His voice sounds all wrong when he speaks.

"What do you mean?"

"You and Kurt, you don’t need me as a buffer anymore. At least, I know for a fact  _he_ doesn’t – how about you?”

His expression must be particularly dumb because Rachel rolls her eyes with an exasperated smile.

"Okay, let’s be honest here, Blaine. You’re hot. You’re  _gorgeous_. So don’t take it personally, but. As fun as these last months have been, I’ve mostly been in the… intimate stuff so deep because Kurt asked me to. He’s the one who wanted you from the moment he first saw you. I’ve been there to sort of… test the waters. Make sure things wouldn’t get awkward if you weren’t into guys. And now that we know you are–”

"I don’t know if I’m into  _guys_. I’m into  _Kurt_.” Blaine has no idea why that’s the part he feels the need to focus on; the words just come out without his conscious decision. Rachel smiles.

"Which is all that counts here. Anyway, I feel like I’m becoming the third wheel now, you two seem to be doing just fine without me, so maybe it’s the right moment to change things up a little? Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to still be friends, but maybe I should be  _just_ a friend from now on? To give you and Kurt more space? More time for each other? I’m just throwing it in there for you to consider, Blaine, you don’t have to make a decision now.” She looks a little nervous now, biting her lip before she catches herself and regains control over her face.

A few heartbeats is really all the time for consideration he needs, now that the option has been put in front of him like this, but he gives it a minute more, in case it’s just shock that will wear off soon. Maybe it should hurt, he wonders – maybe he should feel a little betrayed, or at least sad. But he doesn’t. Instead, he thinks of afternoons at their attic with Kurt alone, of Kurt’s smile and his kisses, Kurt’s touch and time just for him, and a wave of possessive joy curls unexpectedly around his heart.

"Yeah. I’m okay with it. I mean, you are amazing, Rachel, but Kurt–"

"Kurt holds your heart."

"I– I think he might be, yes."

"Good." She bounces a little on the balls of her feet. "Great. So if that’s settled, let’s discuss the Regionals duet possibilities."

 

Kurt knows.

He doesn’t say a word about it, but when they meet the next morning, it’s clear. It’s in the warm looks he gives Blaine over his cup of coffee while they sit in the empty classroom again, in the smile that lingers just a second longer when they’re in public. It’s in the way he comes to sit with Blaine in the choir room, abandoning Rachel up front, talking with Quinn. It’s new; they’ve been nearly inseparable so far, and Blaine remembers what he thought that night, two weeks ago: they’re no longer a unit, at least in relation to him. No longer “the siblings” or “the Hummelberrys”.

Now the division is even clearer. Yes, they’re both his best friends, but it’s Kurt that Blaine is helplessly infatuated with.

He’s very fine with it. And so, it seems, are they.

Blaine just wishes it could mean not hiding anymore. After all, they’re no longer a highly unconventional triangle that no one would understand. They’re a couple; it should make a difference. Because Blaine would be happy to come out. He’s not sure if what he feels for Kurt makes him gay, or bi, or what, but he’s never been one for labels, and he doesn’t really care. He’d come out about dating Kurt –  _being Kurt’s boyfriend_ – in a heartbeat, if he were allowed; to his parents, his friends, the school in general – hell, the whole world.

But he knows it’s not gonna happen.

He’s heard enough about their parents by now to know there is no chance of it going well. He still can’t wrap his head around it, not entirely, but he knows enough not to question Kurt and Rachel’s reasons to play it safe.

But knowing doesn’t mean he isn’t aching to take Kurt’s hand, to stop controlling every word and expression when they interact in public. It doesn’t keep him from trying out the word  _boyfriend_  when he’s alone in his bedroom, late at night. He can’t help it. He’s never thought the first time he’d fall in…  _ah_ , he’d really  _like_  someone, would be so damn complicated.

Still, he wouldn’t change it for the world.

—————————-

CHAPTER ART by headbandxbowties

[New house rules](http://headbandxbowties.tumblr.com/post/43932559356/its-the-last-week-of-february-theyre-alone-in)

[The one who holds your heart](http://headbandxbowties.tumblr.com/post/47580232766)

 


	10. Chapter 8: Shadows and Lights

The first time Kurt and Rachel sing it in Glee – during the original songs week, when everyone’s supposed to try and write their own song – there’s no applause when they finish. [The song](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqlrWLG5fIg) is amazing, their performance of it breathtaking, but that’s not what holds everyone attention, keeps them speechless and staring in complete silence. Blaine bites his lip, keeps his face carefully blank. He’s as shocked as everyone else, though for slightly different reasons.

Santana is the first to recover.

"Wanky!" Even she sounds mildly creeped-out, though.

"Wait." Puck is frowning, halfway between spooked and fascinated. "So you two are, like, fucking?"

"What? No!" Rachel’s eyes are wide and shocked. "Why would you think that?"

Mr. Schue seems to have regained his voice at last. “Well as good as your song is, Rachel, Kurt – it does seem to suggest some level of um… let’s say, inappropriate –”

"Oh my god no, it’s not a  _romantic_  duet! And certainly not sung to each other, can’t you see?” Kurt looks around as if they’d all lost their minds. True – they never even looked at each other throughout the performance, now that Blaine thinks about it. But the lyrics seemed clear enough. “It’s just a song. We sang it together because we _wrote_  it together, about life. And… stuff. It’s not even personal!”

 _Like hell it isn’t_. It may not be romantic, but it  _is_  personal. Blaine knows that much.

 

The weird looks mostly stop by the next morning and soon the whole incident is forgotten – that is, until Artie rolls into the choir room two days before Regionals, late and agitated.

"Mr. Schue, we need to change our setlist immediately. I just got secret intel from our Warblers spy: they’re doing Michael Jackson. We’ll  _never_ win with that, not with the songs we have.”

A tumultuous hour later, the conclusion is that they only have one secret weapon – adding an original song to their setlist. Kurt and Rachel’s song, because none of the others were even half as good, everyone agrees. And even if Mercedes looks positively sick at the decision that the siblings will sing it themselves, there’s no time for anyone else to learn and practice it to perfection.

And to be honest – no one else would match Kurt and Rachel’s chemistry as they sing it, together yet somehow separate, looking almost haunted, something dark and secret in their faraway eyes.

It’s the last song in their setlist and from his place in the background, Blaine can see the way it descends on the audience like a thick fog of pure emotion, leaving no one unmoved. Kurt and Rachel weave their magic, captivating the hearts and minds of everyone in the room, and Blaine can  _feel_  every word, and it  _hurts_  because  _they_  hurt, more than they admit, more than he’ll ever know. And he may not understand; they may never tell him the extent of it, but the few minutes on that stage leave him aching, on the verge of tears, utterly helpless. He  _needs_  to know how to help, to save them. He needs to do  _something_.

He can’t do anything, not even hug them in public.

 

Waiting for the verdict is nerve-wracking. They were excellent, their absolute best in all three songs, but going with the duet was a gambit that can either make or break them. Kurt and Rachel don’t look alike, no one can tell just by looking at them that they’re related. But there are lists of members available and if the judges bother to inquire about these two beautiful kids with angel voices, they are screwed.

Not that it should matter, but competitions have been lost for less than incestuous-sounding songs.

By the time all three clubs are called back on stage to hear the verdict, Mr. Schue looks like he’s aged five years, Tina has a nervous stomachache and Puck has taken to punching the padded door of the greenroom to release the excess energy. The lights seem harsh and blinding as the woman bearing the sealed envelope makes her way onto the stage. In the back row, Kurt takes Blaine’s hand.

They win.

They win and they’re going to Nationals in New York in May.

In the general chaos of celebration and congratulations, it’s easy to ignore the concern about Kurt and Rachel’s wellbeing that still lingers like an aftertaste of their song. Blaine swallows it down, wishes it away for now, but he knows it will be back.

Something is wrong.

 

He isn’t sure if the signs have become more pronounced after Regionals, or if he’s just better at noticing them now, but as the April days become warmer and brighter, Blaine feels like he’s watching shadows gathering around the siblings. It’s subtle at first – just hints of melancholy in their faces sometimes; Kurt’s eyes red-rimmed one morning; Rachel’s mysterious comment about everything passing. It’s easy not to think about it too much, to believe them when they shrug it off, saying it’s just a disagreement with their parents, nothing to worry about.

But it doesn’t go away. On the contrary, it’s getting worse, and by the second half of the month, it’s almost a constant state.

It’s not that they’re permanently sad, or that something really disturbing is going on. But Kurt seems paler and quieter with every passing week even as Rachel becomes more driven, determined for the Nationals performance to be absolutely perfect. She’s almost manic with it and it’s driving everyone nuts.

They still smile and chat and tease Blaine about his hair gel addiction and his accidentally revealed superheroes obsession. They’re always there, the way they have been since they’d become Blaine’s friends, and yet sometimes it feels like they’re… fading. Slipping away.

Blaine asks, of course he does – just hinting at first, then offering an ear if they ever want to talk about it, finally asking outright what is going on. He gets no answers. They don’t want to talk about it, and he can’t make them.

But he has a gut feeling, and it’s not a good one. It feels like something is brewing, something dark and ominous, and even telling himself he’s being ridiculous doesn’t help. There are moments, little things that accumulate, and he just can’t ignore it.

Like when they’re discussing  _Romeo and Juliet_  in class. Ms. Harris talks about romanticism of the main characters’ deaths, and all Blaine can see is the glint in Rachel’s eyes, her captivated face. That afternoon, as they sit in the choir room, she asks “Do you ever fantasize about your own funeral?” like it’s the most normal, random conversation topic in the world. Because apparently, she  _does_.

And so does Kurt.

Blaine’s anxious concern is slowly turning into fear.

He should tell someone – but whom? And what would he say?  _My best friends are a bit melancholy lately and their sense of humor has gotten slightly morbid_? He could probably try Miss Pillsbury, or maybe even his own parents, but he keeps putting it off, day after day. He’s sure Kurt and Rachel would notappreciate involving other people in their lives, private as they are, and what if he  _is_ overreacting?

And then, one rainy day in the first week of May, Rachel breaks down in tears when Blaine asks about their plans for junior prom.

They’re not allowed to attend and she looks  _heartbroken_ about it, and Blaine has trouble being a sympathetic, supporting friend and saying all the right things because he’s  _dizzy_  with relief. Most of the fear he’s been carrying around for weeks slides off his shoulders with a  _whoosh_  he can feel down to his toes.

So  _that’s_  the problem – that’s the reason for their somber mood lately?  _Family disagreement_ , they’ve been saying – and that’s just it. Their parents banning them from going to prom, which Rachel has been excited about forever. And here Blaine was so certain there was something horrible going on, something dark and threatening. God, he feels so stupid now, and so grateful he didn’t share his concerns with anyone after all.

And when he finds Kurt alone in the far corner of the library a few days later, with his shoulders slumped and eyes like liquefied clouds, and begs a confession out of him – about their father’s ongoing mission to change him, and how it’s been more difficult for him lately – the rest of the anxiety leaves Blaine, giving way to determination.

He may not be able to really help with their problems, but now that he knows what’s going on, he will stop obsessing and focus on being a good, supportive friend, be there for them when they need him, in any way they let him.

 

—-

_"Rachel! Kurt! Come down to the kitchen please, we want to talk to you."_

_It’s always nerve-wracking when they get a summons like this because it’s hard to tell if it’s going to be good or bad news this time. And no matter how careful they are, there’s always the risk that it’s about Blaine – that somehow, their parents have learned about him. And that would be the end of everything._

_But there are smiles greeting them this time and they both breathe a little easier as Kurt’s mom speaks._

_"We’ve decided to let you go to prom after all. You two have been good since we moved in here and considering it’s the last year before your lives change significantly, I think you deserve that bit of fun. We only insist that you go together, of course, behave decently during the dance and come home immediately after, no post-prom parties."_

_Kurt catches himself staring incredulously._

_"But it’s –"_

_"Tomorrow, yes." His mom smiles. "I’m sure you’ll manage to get everything ready. You can have the sewing machine back for this, Kurt. Unless you don’t want to go? We’re not going to force you, of course."_

_Rachel’s squeal is loud and piercing, and a second later she’s strangling Kurt with the tightness of her enthusiastic embrace. “Of course we want to go! Oh god, what do I wear? I need to go wash and curl my hair. And put on a face mask. Thank you, thank you, thank you!”_

_With a swirl of her skirt, she’s gone, her feet thundering up the stairs. Kurt follows her, his own thanks much more subdued, though not less honest, ideas for outfits already swarming his head. Still, he can’t quite share Rachel’s level of excitement. No matter how good it is that they’re allowed to go, he won’t be able to do what he really wants anyway._

_Rachel skips out of their bathroom ten minutes later. She’s in her panties and a bra, bright green towel on her head and a mud-brown mask on her face, but it’s nothing Kurt hasn’t seen before. More alarming is the manic glint in her eyes and what comes out of her mouth._

_"I need to call Jacob Ben Israel."_

_"What for?" Kurt shudders a little as she starts digging through her socks drawer for their secret pre-paid cell phone they only use for emergencies._

_"We’re running for prom king and queen. If it’s the last prom of my life, I’m not passing up the opportunity to try and get that crown. Even if I have to seduce Jacob into having our names added to those ballot cards somehow."_

_With a deep sigh and a shake of his head, Kurt goes to dig in her closet, looking for something that has a potential to become prom-queen-worthy overnight._

—-

 

"Hi gorgeous! Is there any table we can join?"

Blaine didn’t see them come in. He just turns – and there they are; Kurt in a perfectly fitted simple tux, Rachel in a peach-colored dress with her shoulders bare, her hand tucked into the crook of Kurt’s elbow and her smile blinding. Blaine’s breath stutters in his chest.

"You’re here."

There’s not much time to talk – the Glee club is providing live music for the first part of the evening and Blaine needs to take over the microphone right about now. By the time he’s on the stage, he’s still not over their miraculous appearance, but at least he’s filled in on the details and the prom night suddenly looks like a lot more fun than he’s expected.

The next two hours are a blur of performing and dancing, with a short break for the prom court voting (Kurt’s and Rachel’s names are at the bottom of the ballot cards and Blaine shakes his head, amused; she gets what she wants when she’s determined enough, doesn’t she?). The three of them are all occupied separately – Blaine manages to steal Rachel away for one dance, but then she’s back to making her rounds; it seems half the guys in school want to dance with the unattainable LA girl tonight. Kurt is not getting much rest, either, as far as Blaine can see. It looks like Sugar wasn’t exaggerating when she said a ton of girls were crazy about him.

Finally, Blaine’s last performance is done and he’s just considering going back to the table to have some punch and a breather, hoping Kurt could be persuaded to join him, when Rachel falls right into his arms, her smile too wide to be sincere.

"Dance with me. I need a break from Jacob, he’s getting creepy."

"I thought you promised him half of your dance card in exchange for a certain… service?" Blaine smirks a little.

"Well  _yes_ , Blaine, thank you for reminding me. But I think I’ve underestimated his – _oh shit._ ”

It sounds so peculiar coming from her, always so feminine and well-mannered, that for a second Blaine just gapes at her. Then he follows her gaze, only to see Kurt disappearing through the gym door.

"What happened?"

Rachel has already stopped dancing, her expression worried. “He’s upset. His last prom and he can’t even dance with you. I should have thought about it, honestly, where’s my head tonight –”

"His last–?"

Rachel just huffs, impatient. “Blaine, just – Last at this school, okay? Can you go talk to him? It’s not me he needs right now.”

"Of course." He’s already walking towards the exit, fast, trying not to break into a run, Rachel’s words ringing in his ears.  _Last prom – last – last at this school_.

He finds Kurt easily in an empty side hallway, pacing by the wall of lockers, and Blaine has never seen him so distraught. Kurt’s voice is breaking when he speaks.

"It’s not  _fair_. Why can’t  _I_  dance with you at my prom when even Rachel can? Why can I never walk hand in hand with a person I like? Why is it so damn  _hard_?” There are tears in Kurt’s eyes, his face screwed in distress, and Blaine would do  _anything_  to make it better.

"Kurt… I’d dance with you in a heartbeat. We can go back in there, holding hands, and dance right now, and I’ll be the happiest guy in that room."

Kurt shakes his head, the defeated look on his face heartbreaking. “I can’t, Blaine. You know I  _can’t_. Not even once, no matter how much I want it.” He closes his eyes and rubs at them, a tired gesture. When he speaks again, the anger is gone; his voice is bitter now, sad. “I’m sorry. I’ll be fine, I’m used to it, not having what I want. It’s just… it stings, sometimes. You can go to Rachel, I’ll be back in a moment. Don’t worry about me.”

Blaine shakes his head. There’s no way he’s leaving Kurt’s side.

"I don’t  _want_  to go to Rachel. I want to spend time with you. How about we go back to the table and just sit and talk for a bit? They’re counting votes now, we have a moment before the prom king and queen are announced. How about that? There’s nothing suspicious about sitting at the table with a friend.”

Kurt’s smile is weak, barely there, but he nods. “Okay.”

By the time they are seated and Blaine has brought them both punch – still unspiked, to Puck’s annoyance – Kurt looks calm again. They’re alone at the table and it’s as good a time as any – and Blaine just needs to  _know_.

"Can I ask you something?" He waits for Kurt’s nod before continuing. "Rachel said it’s your last year at this school. Is it… is it true?"

The way Kurt bites his lip and avoids Blaine’s eyes is answer enough, and he braces himself for the words that come next.

"I… yes. It’s very, very unlikely that we’ll be back at McKinley for our senior year."

"Are you moving away again? Back to LA?"

Kurt looks at him with eyes that look almost pleading, his mouth working over words that don’t come for a few seconds, but then he blinks and shakes his head, and the moment is gone. “Probably. Our parents expect to be summoned back in the summer, and whatever happens, we won’t be here. I’m sorry, Blaine.”

"You could have told me." It comes out too sharp, like an accusation, but he can’t help it. A feeling very much like betrayal is messing with his throat, choking him.

Kurt just nods, solemn.

"I could. But at first I didn’t think it mattered, and later I just… I didn’t want this to hang over you the way it does over us, Blaine. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to ruin these last weeks we have. I wanted you to have this time with us, unspoiled. And besides… would it change anything? Would you do anything differently?"

 _I would guard my heart better if I knew_ , he thinks. But he doesn’t say it, just whispers, “No. It wouldn’t change a thing.”

But of course it changes everything. He can’t quite wrap his mind around it yet, but somewhere in his future there’s probably a big ugly crying fit, most likely preceded by running until he’s numb because god, the mere thought of losing them – losing Kurt – hurts too much to even breathe around.

Blaine may not have imagined they’d spend the rest of their lives together – he’s not _that_  naive, but he did hope to have them in his life for much longer. The whole next year at least, for sure; with Glee and the competition trips, with their early mornings and occasional secret meetings and the senior prom. He hoped that maybe with time, their parents would get more lenient – both Kurt and Rachel have perfect grades, that should help – maybe even, he dared to fantasize sometimes, he and Kurt would be able to date openly one day?

And now, like a candle blown by a sudden gust of wind, all that is gone.

 

Up on the stage, Kurt looks as stunned as Blaine feels, and it takes Principal Figgins repeating his name and beckoning him with a frown before he moves. Kurt’s eyes are still wide as the crown is placed on his head and the scepter pushed into his hand, but he bows gracefully when the principal beams.

"Ladies and gentlemen, your McKinley junior prom king, Kurt Hummelberry."

There is a scattered applause, most people looking confused that Kurt won over the wildly popular Finn Hudson, but a gaggle of girls up front is going crazy. Blaine can see Sugar there, bouncing wildly with an expression that places somewhere between delighted and smug.

Rachel’s wide smile fades when Quinn’s victory is announced, but she keeps a brave face, only disappearing quietly for a moment when Kurt leads the new prom queen in the first dance of the new McKinley court.

They are lovely together, both beautiful and somehow regal, and there’s no way Finn would ever manage to look so much like he owns this title and this crown. Kurt’s eyes slide over the crowd as they sway gracefully, and he smiles sadly when he meets Blaine’s gaze, and that’s the moment when Blaine knows for sure: he  _will_  get Kurt his dance, no matter what.

 

All it takes is one Puckerman and two dancing girls.

Puck has managed to spike the punch at last, and Blaine knows he must have brought his own beverages beside that because he’s drunk, loud and easy to provoke, which is exactly what Blaine needs.

The prom is winding down to the end, the music mostly slow and mellow now and all around there are couples dancing, close and intimate. There’s a lot of kissing, even some mild groping here and there. No one is really looking around anymore, comparing dresses or searching for friends to chat, which is a perfect moment for those who want to dance together without raising interest.

Like Santana and Brittany.

They aren’t flashy with their relationship, not many people outside of the Glee club know that they are more than friends, and Blaine is silently thankful for them dancing like this now because it makes starting the topic of gay couples so much more natural than any of the scenarios he’s thought of.

"Hell  _no_  man, I mean, two chicks – sure, it’s like, super hot, but two dudes? That’s just gay.” Puck is loud and obnoxious, enough to make people at the nearby tables look up and strain their ears to hear, and that’s exactly what Blaine needs. He keeps his voice louder than usual, too, ignoring Kurt’s bewildered expression by his side.

"Oh, I don’t know. I heard that only men who are completely comfortable with their sexuality, you know,  _real_  men, have no problem with things like that. I mean, if you’re sure you are straight, why would you be afraid to be seen as gay?”

"Oh yeah? So  _you_  do it, smartass. Prove you’re a real man.” There’s this smirk on Puck’s face, the cocky one he gets when he’s being an ass.

 _Perfect_.

"What, you want me to dance with you,  _Noah_?” Blaine does his best to make his laughter seem nervous, uncomfortable. “I don’t know, you’re not exactly my type.”

"Oh no, Anderson, I’m not into your crazy, but you go ahead, I’d like to see you ask a guy to dance. Unless you’re going to chicken out now?" Puck is looking around triumphantly, satisfied with the attention he’s getting. There’s only two, maybe three dozen people around them, but it’s enough to confirm it being a dare, and that’s exactly what Blaine needs. Another slow song is just starting.

With the last little spectacle of hesitation, Blaine stands up. “Fine. I’m not aiming lower than royalty though.” He can feel eyes on him as he turns towards Kurt. “Your majesty, may I have this dance?”

Kurt can easily say  _no_  if he decides it’s still too risky, and Blaine will ask someone else then – maybe Mike, or Sam, and maybe he’ll get rejected, and it will be no more than a silly joke. But Kurt doesn’t say  _no_ , just like Blaine hoped he wouldn’t. He gets it already, what Blaine just did – of course he does, and he takes Blaine’s extended hand and stands up with a regal smile.

"Yes. Yes you may."

The dance is a little awkward at first, Kurt all tense and glancing around at the group of people watching them. There’s Rachel at the front, smiling and cheering, and Sam, giving Blaine a  _thumbs up_ , and Puck is so loud, yelling “Fine, okay, you’ve got balls, Anderson,” that even people who have no idea what’s going on catch up to the dare pretty quick. Mike snaps them a picture with his phone and Blaine grins and spins Kurt around, and they just keep dancing. Soon people around them lose interest in Puckerman’s latest crazy and go to their own partners or back to the tables, and Blaine can focus all of his attention on Kurt.

He’s right there, in Blaine’s arms,  _[My Heart Will Go On](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2UO0-pE9T4) _ seeping slowly out of the stereo system, and they can’t lose themselves completely in dancing, can’t melt together like most couples do, but it’s still so much more than they’d ever had in public, it’s breathtaking. Kurt is warm against him, his smell makes Blaine’s blood simmer like it always does, every little touch like a gift. And Kurt’s eyes are soft and smiling, and  _happy_ , so happy, and Blaine did that. He managed to make Kurt’s dream come true.

He may not have much time left with them – and the thought aches somewhere deep and desperate – but he’s going to make each and every moment count.

The music ends too soon and they step away from each other, put their masks back on and go back to the table. But before they do, Kurt catches Blaine’s eyes and whispers  _Thank you_  with a smile so full of awe and adoration that Blaine’s heart stutters a little. 

 

—-

_Kurt doesn’t dance with anyone else until the end of the prom, unwilling to feel another’s embrace, see another’s face so close and clear. It would feel like tainting this precious moment and he can’t do that; he needs to save every last bit of it in his memory tonight, relive every second over and over until it’s an indelible part of him._

_The walk home, his evening routine, getting to bed – it’s all a daze, and he tells Rachel he doesn’t want to cuddle or talk tonight. He just wants to be alone with his thoughts and memories. Thankfully, she understands._

_The night is filled with images of Blaine._

_In the morning, however, there’s no more peace and understanding as they go down for breakfast. Their father’s brow is furrowed, his mouth set into a thin line. Kurt’s mom looks pale and concerned at the other side of the table._

_They must have heard._

_Oh, Kurt is_ so  _not ready for this conversation, not yet, not when he just woke up with a big smile and his brain is still pleasantly fuzzy, and he hasn’t even had his coffee yet. But they don’t give him a chance to prepare._

 _"Kurt, care to explain why you danced with a_ boy _last night? Is there something you want to tell us?”_

_Rachel’s bright laugh is a shock to Kurt’s vibrating nerves. He’s frozen, paralyzed, but she’s not, just dancing happily around the kitchen, making oatmeal._

_"Don’t be silly, Daddy. He was actually doing the guy bonding thing you’re always so onto him about. You know, joking around, playing pranks and leaving girls to their own devices?" She stops behind Kurt’s back, giving him a hug and a quick kiss on the lips before she twirls away. "It was a dare Puckerman played, Kurt couldn’t have refused without looking like a weakling. It was pretty stupid, I admit, but oh well,_ boys _.”_

_She’s at the table now, rolling her eyes dramatically, and Kurt has never been so thankful for her acting skills._

_Forcing himself to move, he smiles and shakes his head. “It was pretty awkward, too. But you said it yourself, I need to try to blend in with the men more. So I’m trying. Although I’m not so sure I want to blend in with Puckerman.” He makes a passable imitation of a shudder, relieved to see their father’s face soften._

_His mom nods over her cup of coffee, the frown gone. “Okay then. We’d rather not hear more news like that though, Kurt. It had us worried here, for a moment.”_

_Kurt forces out a chuckle. “Oh, you won’t, I promise. Don’t worry.”_

—-

**CHAPTER ART by headbandxbowties**

[ **Regionals** ](http://headbandxbowties.tumblr.com/post/44014104182/will-we-ever-have-our-happy-ending-or-will-we)

[ **The morning after** ](http://headbandxbowties.tumblr.com/post/44014092910/kurt-care-to-explain-why-you-danced-with-a-boy)

 


	11. Chapter 9: New York

New York is everything Blaine has been dreaming of, and more. It’s huge and crowded, bright with neon lights and murky where the lights don’t reach. It smells of car fumes and street food and, most of all, possibilities. It’s a place where dreams come true. It’s life itself, and Blaine drinks it up from the minute they get off the plane. It doesn’t matter that they only have two hotel rooms for the entire Glee club, or that Mr. Schue disappears as soon as he’s done lecturing them on the ground rules for this trip – they have three days and two nights in the city that never sleeps, and Blaine wishes he could give up on sleep, too.

They’re in New York.

The first day is the most busy and chaotic. Everyone’s in a frenzy of sightseeing and exploring, in couples and little groups, so it’s the best opportunity to do something Blaine has been planning for weeks.

"Can I take you out on a proper date tonight?" he blurts out at Kurt as soon as the three of them are out of earshot of their friends. Or they would be, if Rachel’s delighted squeal on her brother’s behalf wasn’t quite that piercing. Kurt’s eyes get wide and incredulous.

"Really? A  _real_  date? Just the two of us and dressing up and not hiding?”

“ _Yes_.” Blaine shoots Rachel a  _look_  in case she wanted to invite herself along, but she’s just beaming at them. “I called my brother, he spent a few months here last year, and he recommended some nice places. We could go around seven and have a walk afterwards, and still be back for Mr. Schue’s curfew at eleven. I wish we could go see a Broadway play, too, but it’s too late and–”

"Blaine. I’d  _love_  to go on a date with you. Dinner and a walk sound wonderful.” Kurt’s eyes are sparkling, two bits of bright blue sky, filled with sunshine.

 

The restaurant is even nicer than Blaine expected after exploring its website. When he talked with Cooper, he said he needed something lovely and classy, but not overly formal, and out of the way enough to avoid being accidentally spotted by his friends.

Of course, it got Coop’s attention. “Ooh, my little brother has a secret girlfriend?” he crooned happily.

"Actually…" Blaine bit his lip, but then shrugged. He could just as well say it. He _wanted_ to. “A secret boyfriend.”

“ _Oh_.” Cooper sounded concerned. “But B – you know you don’t have to hide, don’t you? Mom and dad will be okay with it.”

"Yeah, I know that  _ours_  will be. But  _his_  definitely won’t, so no one can know. Please don’t tell anyone?”

"Of course, Squirt. I wouldn’t. Now let me look through the box of stuff from the New York filming; I think I have a perfect place for your needs. I’ll call you tomorrow."

"Thank you, Coop." They both knew he meant more than the restaurant.

Now that they are here, Blaine understands why this was the place Cooper recommended most. It’s relatively close to their hotel, but with its location in a side street and the simple, subdued sign over the old wooden door it doesn’t look like a restaurant a bunch of teenagers – or anyone, really – would choose randomly. But inside, it’s magical. Strings of white fairy lights overhead and candles on the red-covered tables create a cozy, intimate atmosphere. The music is soft and hushed, and the smells permeating the air make Blaine’s mouth water. The hostess takes one look at their joined hands – such a simple thing, and yet it made Blaine shiver with joy when Kurt’s fingers found his – and smiles, leading them to a secluded nook where they can have privacy. When she comes back with the menus, she puts a vase with a single white rose on the table.

The food turns out to be delicious and Kurt is absolutely charming, heart-stoppingly beautiful, and they don’t talk about school or parents or Rachel, don’t touch the subject of the impending separation. They just let themselves be who they are, for once, away from the rules and limits put upon them by others – just two boys on a date.

"If you could be whatever you want, go anywhere, choose your own way with no influences whatsoever – what would you do?"

Blaine surprises himself with the question – they never talk about the future, it’s one of the few topics both Kurt and Rachel always ignore. But looking at Kurt like this, in the golden glow of the candlelight, makes him want to be able to imagine him five years from now, or ten, all done growing up and settled in his undoubtedly fabulous life. Even if Blaine won’t be part of it, he wants this picture in his head.

Kurt licks the spoon clean of the last remnants of tiramisu, his eyes turning distant.

"I’d come back here. To New York." He pauses, thinks a little. "I’d like to work in fashion, anywhere really – just as long as I could create clothes, I’d be happy. Maybe I’d be with a man who… who loved me, if I were lucky. Maybe we’d have a pet, or… I don’t know. Just a normal, everyday life of being myself, that’s what I would choose."

"I’m sure you will get that one day, Kurt."

Kurt just shakes his head, a sad little smile on his face.

"How about that walk now?"

 

The mood is a little melancholy when they leave the restaurant, but soon the awe and joy of walking hand in hand through the busy streets of nighttime New York take over. They kiss on every street corner until they’re too close to the hotel to risk it anymore, and Blaine will never,  _ever_  have enough of this – Kurt’s soft lips and his delighted face, and their fingers intertwined like this. By the time they slip into the boys’ shared room, they’re ten minutes late and trying very hard to look innocent. Not that anyone really cares.

Artie is already asleep on one of the large beds, Mike next to him, reading. Sam is sitting on the cot, eating nachos. Finn and Puck have created elaborate sleeping nests on the floor, using all the duvets and bedspreads. The second bed is standing empty.

"You two are small enough to fit together." Finn shrugs at Kurt’s questioning look.

"You don’t mind, do you?" Mike looks up from his Kindle. "We figured you’d be fine with it, but if not, I can switch with either of you."

"No, no it’s fine." Kurt is making a spectacular job of looking like he doesn’t care, then bumps Blaine’s shoulder. "I hope you don’t snore."

"Dude, Finn snores loud enough for the whole room. You won’t be able to hear the hobbit even if he does, too." Puck barely manages to duck the pillow Finn tosses at him.

It’s all very boyish and camp-like as they settle down to sleep, and Blaine enjoys it immensely. Not to mention, sleeping close to Kurt is a wonderful bonus he didn’t even think of. When the lights go off, a warm hand finds its way into his under the sheets, and Kurt breathes into his ear, merely a shadow of a whisper.

"Thank you for tonight. Thank you for everything."   

 

The next day is filled with rehearsals and group sightseeing; Mr. Schue even treats them all to a slice of true New York pizza. They’re supposed to go to bed early that evening and have proper rest before Nationals, but the city is calling to them. It’s their last night, and the competition doesn’t start until noon anyway, so of course everyone sneaks away to experience as much of New York as possible.

Blaine and the siblings walk the city until late, taking in as much as they can in this small bubble of time they have. Blaine holds Kurt’s hand, staring at him openly with adoring eyes whenever he can get away with not looking where he’s going. Kurt is so unrestrained when he doesn’t have to hide, so beautiful and bold, that at times Blaine completely forgets they’re not alone. Until Rachel calls out to them, pointing towards something or commenting on one thing or another, and she laughs when Blaine gets startled out of his reverie, her face full of affection.

And then they are sipping coffee at Starbucks and talking about what they love most in the city, and Blaine is sharing college plans, because  _maybe, possibly, here_. Before long he’s making a list of places he wants to see and things he wants to do if he gets here after graduation, and suddenly Kurt is right there with him, contributing, adding more, and somehow it’s almost as if it’s  _their_  list, as if they’re planning to meet here again, one day, in college.

Except at some point Kurt looks up at Rachel who’s been sitting silently next to him, and his excited face falls. Blaine can’t read the meaning of the look they share, but he knows there is one – one that makes Kurt quiet and subdued in a heartbeat, suddenly looking sad and tired.

They go back to their hotel after that, walking in silence, but still Kurt’s hand sneaks into Blaine’s, and when he lays his head on Blaine’s shoulder in the elevator, Blaine wishes he could take all the trouble away from him, just hold him and keep him safe.

It’s almost too hard to let go of the boy in his arms in time to avoid being seen by anyone from McKinley.

 

Kurt wakes Blaine up at an ungodly early hour the next morning, all gorgeous and nice-smelling and impeccably dressed in a fancy suit, whispering about breakfast at Tiffany’s, and Blaine needs no more incentive to get up and get ready than the prospect of some more New York gallivanting with Kurt.

Well, Kurt and Rachel, it turns out.

They look fabulous, all three of them, and have fun pretending to be classy New Yorkers even while eating their bagels in front of the Tiffany’s building. The moods are lighter again, bright, and when Kurt suggests  _breaking into the Gershwin theater_ … well, they can’t  _not_ , not on a day like this, emboldened by the feeling of  _last day, last chance_.

It’s a bad idea. A terrible one; if the guard wasn’t so understanding–

True, they haven’t been exactly sneaky, no matter how much they thought they were – singing the lines of  _Defying Gravity_  to one another under their breath, happy giggles bubbling out of them.  And now they’re  _here_ , and they have the stage to themselves for fifteen amazing minutes, and Blaine is so full of happiness he feels ready to burst.

"Ohhh, I can’t believe that!" Rachel is almost vibrating next to him. "I have to choose the right song, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, oh god, such a tough choice! Blaine, go, you first, I need time!" She flops into the first-row seat, only to spring up immediately and start pacing up and down the aisle, muttering to herself.

Blaine doesn’t have to be told twice. Literally bouncing up the steps to the stage, scrolling through the  _Wicked_  soundtrack in his head, he’s almost set on  _One Short Day_ , it would be so appropriate for their short time in New York. But then…  _oh_.

**[It’s _perfect_](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4tWBetHvsA).**

_Kiss me too fiercely, hold me too tight  
I need help believing you’re with me tonight_

He starts and his eyes immediately settle on Kurt at the side of the stage, where he’s inspecting the staircase that’s part of the set – and they never leave him as Blaine sings, every word like a confession of something he hasn’t even let himself think yet, but can feel growing, deep within him. Kurt looks enchanted, his face soft and stunned in the half-dimmed light, and Blaine knows, he remembers what’s coming soon,  _too soon_ , and each word resonates within him perfectly.

 _And just for this moment, as long as you’re mine_  
I’ve lost all resistance and crossed some borderline   
And if it turns out it’s over too fast  
I’ll make every last moment last  
As long as you’re mine

He hoped Kurt would understand, hoped he’d get it, but when he actually joins in, his voice cutting clear and perfect through the theater, Blaine feels his heart flutter and breath catch in his throat because it feels so  _right_ , like Kurt feels it too, like he’s singing from the same place deep within.

_Maybe I’m brainless, maybe I’m wise  
But you’ve got me seeing through different eyes_

Their voices blend perfectly, better than Blaine has ever thought they could, when they sing together standing face to face now, mere feet from each other.

 _Every moment as long as your mine_  
I’ll wake up my body and make up for lost time  
Say there’s no future for us as a pair  
And though I may know, I don’t care

Kurt is kissing him before the last echoes of the song die down, and he’s so real in Blaine’s arms, warm and solid and  _there_ , it’s hard to believe he may ever not be, no matter what he said.

Rachel’s clapping and cheering brings them back to reality, and Kurt lets out a choked sound, almost a sob, as he buries his face in Blaine’s neck for a second. But then he pulls away and he’s flushed and bright-eyed but composed, dismissing Rachel’s call that it’s her turn now.

"No, Rach, I have to sing this one first. It’s not from  _Wicked_ , but–” he shrugs and looks away, his head held high and jaw set. “Blaine, could you please record it on your phone and then send it to my email? I’ll want to show it to someone.”

Kurt glances at Rachel then and she frowns, suddenly focused, and it’s another one of those moments where Blaine can’t really read what goes between them, this secret path of understanding. But he gets off the stage and takes out his iPhone, ready to record Kurt’s performance from the central aisle. And oh, is it a performance worth recording. Kurt doesn’t look at either of them as  **[he sings](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqWZ77uzgZs)** , focused on the empty audience, as if imagining someone there, someone who makes his face clench into hard defiance as he sings.

_Coming home used to feel so good  
I’m a stranger now in my neighborhood_

Kurt’s not only singing – he’s dancing as well, flexible and flamboyant, so  _out there_ , it almost looks like a challenge. Against whom, Blaine can only guess, so he just stands there with his phone and tries to keep his hand steady as his jaw drops at what Kurt can do with his body and his voice –  _oh god that voice_ – when he chooses to.

It’s breathtaking, but somehow Blaine doesn’t think Rachel’s tear-filled eyes and the way she covers her mouth with both hands can be explained with the stunning quality of Kurt’s song.

_I can’t go back there anymore  
‘Cause I am not the boy next door_

Kurt finishes on an impossibly high note, keeping it clear and strong, his whole body vibrating with sound – or maybe something else. Blaine stops the recording and claps so hard his hands hurt. He’s not the only one. The guard is standing in the back of the audience, visibly impressed.

Rachel moves then, and Blaine can clearly see the tear tracks on her face as she runs onto the stage and pulls Kurt into a tight hug. They seem to whisper to each other, and Kurt is nodding, and then Rachel steps away but keeps Kurt’s hand in hers and her eyes on him as  **[she starts](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hrtv6NoJ2B0)** , voice strong even though she’s still crying.

_I’m limited…_

The siblings are entirely focused on each other now, their gaze never wavering once. Kurt comes in with Glinda’s part.

_I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason_

Blaine thinks, for a heartbeat, that Kurt may be singing about him – but no. He and Rachel are in their own little world, the way they get sometimes, but so much stronger right now, like nothing exists but the two of them. Blaine knows it means something, knows they are telling each other things he will never understand because he’s an outsider and no matter how close they let him get sometimes, this is their inner sanctum, that connection he will never get. He’s fine with it, mostly. He’s perfectly fine with watching and taking in the beauty of this song when they perform it, stunning, almost ethereal, with their voices like molten gold. Still, he feels like something of grave, desperate importance is happening before his very eyes – and he wishes he could understand.

Kurt and Rachel leave the stage still holding hands, both teary-eyed, but it only takes Blaine’s enthusiastic cheering to make them shake out of the suddenly somber mood. The guard from before is standing next to him, grinning widely.

"Man, I’ve heard a lot working here, but you three are something else. I don’t know what your dreams are, kids, but don’t you give up on them. You’re good. Really good, all of you. Hold on to that, and I’ll see you here in a few years." He nods and retreats into the darkness again, and the three of them laugh and hug and gather their things to leave with one last look at the magnificent stage, overwhelmed and stunned, and  _that just happened_ , and okay, they are ready to face the competition – to face  _anything_ now.

 

———————

**CHAPTER ART by headbandxbowties**

[ **For Good** ](http://headbandxbowties.tumblr.com/post/44092754433/he-and-rachel-are-in-their-own-little-world-the)

 


	12. Chapter 10: Silence

They don’t win.

They don’t even place in the top ten, but somehow, Blaine doesn’t mind. Everyone is upset and Santana is out of control, but as they fly home, Blaine can only think of how many amazing, unforgettable moments he’s had with Kurt. And Rachel, too, but… Kurt. He’s pretty sure he’s in love, and not just with the city. And after this morning, he’s almost certain New York is  _it_  for him. If only he gets accepted, he’s going to college there.

He tells that to Kurt as they wait for their baggage, taking great care not to lean too close or seem too intimate after the heady rush of the last three days. Kurt just smiles, his eyes warm and full of affection.

"Can you spare a few hours tomorrow afternoon? Our parents will be gone again…"

And god, can he? Of  _course_  he can. He wants nothing more than to hold Kurt close. He wants to kiss him, touch him, see him come apart, all because of Blaine. He wants Kurt for himself. He wants more than secret moments, stolen when no one is looking. He wants to never have to say goodbye, to always have him close.

He wants  _so much_.

"I’ll be there."

 

—-

_That last day, they go all the way._

_Kurt has arranged for them to be alone, just him and Blaine – Rachel didn’t even argue when he asked for that one favor, slipping out to the library for the afternoon._

_They hardly speak between the fervent kisses and urgent touches, the desperation palpable in the air, or so it seems to Kurt. He feels so raw today, so exposed, and there are whispers and cries in the silence of their attic, there’s pleasure and pain, tender strokes and hard thrusts, and it’s so much; too much and yet not enough. It will never be enough._

_Blaine looks at him with awe and adoration, so breathtaking in his open vulnerability, and Kurt bites down on his own lip as he comes, bites till he feels the coppery taste of blood because he can’t let out the words that have been growing inside him secretly for weeks now – he_ can’t _; not today, not ever._

_Afterwards, they lay together, as close as physically possible, and it feels like love and like goodbye, and Kurt thinks it’s the most personal thing he will ever have, something he won’t share with anyone, not even Rachel. Something no one will ever be able to take away from him. Not in the short time they have left._

_It takes all of Kurt’s strength to act normal as they part, but he can only take it so long, crumbling to the floor as soon as the door closes behind his lover. Rachel takes one look at his red-rimmed eyes when she returns and thankfully, she asks nothing, just hugs him tightly. Even this is too much._

_~_

_"Do you think it was worth it?" Rachel is sitting on the floor, chin propped on her bent knees, her face a little melancholy. "Looking back, would you trade this whole year in exchange for living to be eighteen?"_

_Kurt shakes his head. Glee, New York,_ Blaine _– he got so much this year, he wouldn’t change it for the world. But words get stuck in his throat._

_Rachel hums in agreement. “Yeah, me neither.”_

_There’s a flicker of uncertainty in her eyes though, and Kurt’s immediate instinct is to soothe and reassure._

_"We wouldn’t get a full year anyway. We just made it easier for them, giving up the fight in exchange for more freedom. I mean, do you really believe the Council would risk waiting with the ceremony until we’re legal adults, no matter what our parents said? For others, maybe, but us? We’ve proven more than once that we’re not their usual good little believers, happy to follow whatever path is chosen for us."_

_Rachel shrugs and sniffs a little. “I guess. It’s just–” She breaks and bites her lip._

_"Just what?"_

_"It’s really cliché but… I wish I’d had sex, after all. Even just once. Dying a virgin feels like such a waste." She laughs briefly and glances at him, almost shy, and Kurt’s eyes widen._

_"You’re not honestly looking at me right now, are you?"_

_Her face softens. “No, I know. I’m sorry. It’s just a silly regret.”_

_The silence feels heavy between them._

_~_

_It’s getting late and this is_ the _night, the one they’ve been looking forward to for almost a year now. Everything is ready; their room tidy and devoid of any clues, the note to their parents neatly written and signed by both of them, the USB drive with Kurt’s performance on top. They can only wait, now, wait until well after midnight, until the whole town falls asleep and there’s no one to stop them – but not_ too _long. Their parents will be back before five in the morning._

_Waiting is the worst. There’s nothing to do, no use starting a new book or listening to music anymore; they’ve said their goodbyes to those pleasures, just like to everything else. Everything – except people._

_Talking only leads them to details of the plan again, and it’s too much. But sitting idly sets Kurt on edge, stirs his thoughts and brings him back to feelings and sensations he hadn’t known until a few months ago, and the more he tries to push them away, the more he feels, and he_ can’t _. Not anymore. It’s over, it has to be._

_Except suddenly he knows that he has to, needs to do this one last thing, he can’t go just like that. He stands up suddenly._

_"I need a moment alone. I’ll go up to the roof, get some air –"_

_He’s moving before he’s done talking, out on the balcony and up the short ladder, and if he just goes down the trellis on the other side of the house and runs real fast, he’ll be back in no time. He has to see Blaine one last time, has to say –_

_His feet slide on the wet wood of the trellis, his hands catch on the sharp thorns of wild roses, but Kurt manages to get down to the ground quietly enough._

_Rachel is already there, arms folded over her chest._

_"I knew you’d want to go say goodbye." She shakes her head sadly, as if talking to a stubborn child who has disappointed her. "Kurt, we can’t, you know that. No one can suspect anything, and certainly not Blaine. He’s in love with you, he’ll never let you go if he knows, we can’t risk it. You have to –"_

_"He’s in… love with me?" His own voice sounds foreign all of a sudden, there’s not enough oxygen in the air. Rachel shrugs and takes his hand to lead him towards the back door._

_"Of course he is. Now come on."_

_~_

_Before they leave the car, they hug one last time, short and tight, a goodbye._

_"I love you forever."_

_"I love you too."_

_It’s cold as they get out, so much colder than Kurt expected. Or maybe his violent shivering has nothing to do with the icy drizzle and gusts of chilly wind here by the river. The bridge stands tall and menacing in the darkness, not even close in size to the famous ones, but good enough for their needs, water roiling beneath deep and unforgiving._

_Rachel closes the distance in a dozen of light steps and it almost looks like she’s dancing – a delicate, lovely ballerina dancing towards oblivion. She perches on the railing and turns towards Kurt, bright eyes and red lips, and he can’t help thinking that she’d never looked so beautiful. The shadow of approaching Death gives her a glow some get from love, or when expecting a child. Smiling serenely, she reaches her hand towards Kurt._

_"Come, my love." It’s a plea and a command, and his feet obey immediately. One step. Two. Three._

_He doesn’t get to four._

_Something seizes, hard and fierce in Kurt’s chest, like an old roof caving in, letting air and light flood the room, and it takes a moment to catch his breath, to understand. One more to accept._

_"No."_

_"What do you mean, no?" It’s just a mild surprise, she thinks he’s stalling, but it’s not that. Not at all._

_"I’m not doing it. I’m not jumping."_

_"Kurt –?" Her eyes widen._

_"No. I want to live. I want to_ love _.”_

_And he does, like he hasn’t for the longest time, like he’d forgotten one could. He grabs onto life with everything he has and there’s nothing that could make him let go now._

_"They won’t let you live or love the way you want to when they get their way, you know that, Kurt. They’ll do anything to make us like they are, even if it kills us inside. This is not life, not like that." There are tears in Rachel’s eyes, he can see. It breaks Kurt’s heart. "You said we will always be together, that you will never leave me all alone. You promised, Kurt." She’s reaching for him again. "Come on, baby, we’ve been planning it for so long."_

_She’s begging, but even that won’t sway him now that he knows, with absolute certainty: he’s not going anywhere._

_"No,_ you _have been planning it for so long. I love you, and I don’t want to leave you, and I thought I could do it, but I can’t, Rach. I_ can’t _. Please don’t make me.”_

_He can tell he sounds hysterical, and Rachel’s getting down from the railing now, suddenly pale._

_"I would never make you, baby. I thought you wanted it too, it’s not like I’ll force you if you don’t. And I’m not jumping without you. But what else can we do? We can’t go back there, Kurt. We don’t have any more time, you know that. It’s your birthday tomorrow, and then –"_

_"–  we’re getting married." The words they’ve been avoiding for so long, between them – the words their parents have been repeating like a gospel, like the sweetest promise, for years. They make them shudder, out in the cold air, on the dark bridge on the outskirts of Lima. They make them still in the silence._

_"We can run." Suddenly, it’s obvious._

_Rachel’s laugh is mirthless. “Just like that? With nothing but the clothes we’re in, without a penny on us? And where would we go? They’d find us in a heartbeat, you know how far the group’s net spreads.”_

_"Not if we make it look like we’re dead, they won’t search too hard then. We’ll have to leave the car, but it’s for the best. We’re smart, we’re determined. We’ll make it. And as for money–" Kurt reaches into his pocket. A wad of cash, earned secretly with sewing, looks small, but there’s well over a thousand there. "I took this with me, just… on a whim. Didn’t want to leave it there, they’d just donate it to the cause. It should help for starters."_

_She looks at him with tearful eyes, just breathing for a moment – they’re both breathing heavily, everything on the brink of changing, undecided._

_And then she nods._

—-

 

Blaine gets to school early the next morning, despite an unusual amount of traffic by the river. He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t swallow a bite of his breakfast, too giddy and impatient to see Kurt; to  _tell_  him. Yesterday he was too overwhelmed, too full of feverish, breathtaking happiness to speak, so they just kissed goodbye, and Blaine hopes the siblings will be at school already, and he’ll manage to take Kurt aside and tell him.

_I love you_.

He’d never thought the first time he’d say those words would be to a boy, but here it is, and it’s  _perfect_. He’s in love. He’s in love with Kurt, the most wonderful creature in the whole universe, and Kurt cares about him too, he knows that, and they’ll be together, they’ll find a way, even if they have to hide and do long-distance and wait for college. They’ll make it. Blaine just needs to find him and confess.

He nearly bounces through the half-empty halls to his locker, barely aware of the excited whispers or the way people huddle in small groups, talking. Another piece of gossip must have hit McKinley, and Blaine couldn’t care less.

_He’s_   _in love_.

Kurt and Rachel aren’t there yet, which is unusual, but it’s fine. Blaine will just wait for them by his locker, where they meet every morning.

It takes Mike’s haunted expression three lockers over to feel the first tremors of unease creep up on him. Mike isn’t one to get emotional without good reason.

A cold grip tightens on his heart, unwelcome, and he has to push himself to ask.

"Mike? What’s wrong?"

"Oh god, you haven’t heard." He shakes his head, clueless, and Mike shuts his locker, stands by him, close – too close, as if – "It’s Rachel and Kurt."

And Blaine already wants to cover his ears, to block the news that is undoubtedly, indelibly bad. But his hands seem paralyzed, along with the rest of his body, so he just stands there, unable to block out the rest.

"Blaine, they… they’re dead."  _No_. “They’ve killed themselves last night. Jumped off the bridge together. I’m sorry.”

No no no _no NO_!

It can’t be true. Not after–

Mike says something more, something about suicide notes and a car, and Kurt’s scarf found floating by the river bank, but Blaine barely hears it over the dull thumping of his heart. The world is muted, fading away, and he can’t breathe, the air suddenly thick and choking like the river’s brown waters.

He’s sent home halfway through the first period, after Mr. Martinez inquires about his paleness and unfocused eyes and Blaine can’t choke out a word, and he spends the rest of the day looking up at the ceiling over his bed and seeing nothing except flashes of their moments together, he and Kurt and Rachel. He and Kurt.  _Them_. It’s like a film playing right before his eyes, one that he never wants to stop watching. He wants it seared into his retinas, fresh and vivid, and forever there.

Except every picture brings back words, clues, little things that only now click together into understanding; into realizations with edges so sharp they shred him inside. Soon, Blaine feels like he’s trapped in a thick cloud of deadly shards of fractured memories, unable to take a proper breath without getting stabbed by remorse, by guilt; by  _you should have known_.

He can’t believe he hadn’t seen it coming.

 

He can’t believe they’re dead.

They can’t be.

He didn’t even say goodbye.

 

They never find the bodies.

Sometimes, in the middle of the darkest, most lonely nights, Blaine allows himself the tiniest flicker of hope that it’s not because the river’s wild current carried them somewhere far, far away.

It’s because they’re still alive; somewhere, anywhere – but still there, like distant candlelight you can no longer see, but the knowledge of its existence warms your heart.

Sometimes that hope is the only thing that makes him get out of bed in the morning.

———————————- 

**CHAPTER ART by headbandxbowties**

                [ **The bridge**](http://headbandxbowties.tumblr.com/post/44171955391/there-are-tears-in-rachels-eyes-he-can-see-it)

**[You should have known](http://headbandxbowties.tumblr.com/post/44171942788/lets-play-pretend-chapter-010-silence)**

**[Let’s Play Pretend: the movie](http://headbandxbowties.tumblr.com/post/44171920426/lets-play-pretend-the-movie-this-is-the) (video)**

 


	13. Epilogue

The letter comes over two months later, on yet another too hot, early August afternoon when Blaine doesn’t know what to do with himself, all alone in the silent house.

There’s no return info on the envelope and the stamp is so smudged it’s impossible to say where it came from. Even his address is typed. But the neat handwriting on the single sheet of paper inside is unmistakably familiar, and for the first time in weeks, Blaine smiles.

He can’t  _stop_  smiling.

_I keep you with me in my heart  
You make it easier when life gets hard_

That’s it, just two lines, a handful of simple words in the middle of a crisp white sheet. But it’s enough. It’s a  _world_  for Blaine.

They’re alive. Kurt is  _alive_. 

 

Blaine doesn’t show the note to anyone, or even mention it, but he often opens his journal where it lives now and simply breathes in the knowledge that somewhere out there, Kurt cares enough to let him know they’re okay. And once he realizes the lines come from [a song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8Hgp150Eno), questions never leave his head.

Did Kurt want him to listen to it? Does it have a special meaning?

Can it be that he’s telling Blaine that he’s in love with him? That they will meet again one day soon?

He has no answers. But the letter is enough to let him start to heal.

—-

_The fight when Rachel finds out is worse than any they’ve ever had – and they’ve had plenty lately. She’s pacing the tiny room they rent, looking ready to tear someone to shreds, barely keeping herself in check. Kurt tunes her out somewhere after “One clue, one shred of evidence and they’ll find us if they know we’re not dead!” It’s nothing he hasn’t thought about before._

_She stops eventually, annoyed with his silence. “Well?”_

_Kurt just shrugs. “I was careful. And Blaine won’t tell anyone.”_

_"How can you be so sure?" Her voice is loud and shrill, and Kurt winces._

_"I just am. And… Rach? I know what it feels like to grieve. I don’t want this pain for him."_

_She kneels down in front of him and takes his hands, her eyes pleading, confused. Her voice is soft again, barely more than a whisper._

_"But Kurt, he’s just a_ boy _. He’s not worth risking everything over.”_

_"He is, though." He holds her gaze, open and unafraid, and that’s enough for her to read him to the very soul._

_He lets her._

_"… oh my god. Kurt, are you…"_

_He waits._

_"You love him."_

_Her eyes are wide, her fingers tight on his hands, almost painfully so, and Kurt leans closer to kiss her forehead._

_"I do."_

—-

 

By the time school starts again, the “Hummelberry mystery” is swiftly becoming a local urban legend, wrapped in so much bullshit it’s nearly unrecognizable. Suicide pact. Murder. Alien abduction. Religious cult. Witness protection gone wrong. Child molestation.

It doesn’t help that there was no funeral, not even a memorial service, and Kurt and Rachel’s parents quietly moved away during the summer.

Blaine only shrugs when asked for an opinion.

He knows the truth, at least the sliver of it that counts. And he’d never betray their trust. So he just goes back to his books and his Glee and his college applications, waiting. Always waiting.

But there are no more messages, no contact at all, and as months pass, doubt creeps into Blaine’s mind. Was the note really from Kurt? Or did he imagine it? The piece of paper is creased and well worn from frequent handling now, and while it still provides proof and settles Blaine’s doubts, it doesn’t really promise anything.

Maybe it was the only time Blaine will ever hear from them. Maybe the letter is the last memento of an unusual high school love that seemed larger than life, but got cut short.

Maybe he shouldn’t spend his whole life waiting.

It’s March when he carefully places the note in a box with his most prized possessions, along with the bowtie he just can’t wear anymore, and tells himself that life goes on. Since August, he’s gone through relief and joy and calm anticipation, through desperate longing and hurt and misery. Now he’s just sad.

One quiet evening, after dinner, he tells his parents about Kurt. It doesn’t hurt anymore, the name on his tongue still heavy and tear-salty, but worn smooth by time. He speaks of the friendship, the love that grew over months, about their suicide. He explains the siblings’ situation, as much as he knows of it, and the need for secrecy, and asks his parents to keep it to themselves, just in case. Even now, he doesn’t want to generate gossip by revealing anything private to the world. And his parents can be trusted, he knows. Still, he doesn’t mention the letter.

They hug him, his mom crying a little, and tell him that they’re sorry for his loss. The fact that he was in love with a  _boy_  never even causes a concerned look or a raised eyebrow. What matters is that he loved, and he had his heart broken.

He tries to move on.

It’s not easy to feel the spark again when the one deep in his heart is still alive, stubbornly and hopelessly so. Still, he tries. He goes out with a few girls, though never more than three dates; he even has sex twice. It’s nice and good and sweet, but it’s not  _it_.

He thinks about going out with a boy, even visits a gay bar once. He gets hit on plenty, but no one elicits the same reactions Kurt did. Being there feels wrong, like cheating, so he leaves and doesn’t come back.

In May, New Directions finally wins Nationals. Among his ecstatic friends, Blaine can’t help but feel the two empty spots by his side where  _they_  should be. It’s like a phantom pain, still flaring sometimes. He wonders if it will ever disappear for good.

He goes to prom with one of the cheerleaders, a nice, pretty blonde who looks like a dream in her golden dress. Afterwards, they spend the night together in a hotel room. Blaine knows that in five years, he won’t even remember her name.

He graduates. He spends his last vacation at home and as soon as August starts, he’s in New York. New life, new chances, a clean slate. He finds a job, gets settled in his dorm, starts classes. High school memories slowly start to fade – those most vivid, most important ones among them, though there are still days when they hurt like an open wound.

And then, one rainy night in late October, Blaine opens his door to find familiar stormy blue eyes there.

But that’s another story entirely.

THE END

 


	14. ...

[... but that's another story entirely.](https://youtu.be/xzwNnPDom6k) (<\--- link leads to a sequel teaser video by headbandxbowties)


	15. Bonus materials

  * [The story behind  _Let's Play Pretend_ collaboration](http://headbandxbowties.tumblr.com/post/45453359969)



 

  * [_Let's Play Pretend_ playlist](http://8tracks.com/headbandxbowties/let-s-play-pretend)



 

  * [Full masterpost of chapters and art on tumblr](http://headbandxbowties.tumblr.com/lpp)




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